How heartbreak led me to addiction
Keziah Njoki Karanja, 53, found solace in drugs and alcohol after her lover dumped her, leaving her heartbroken.
There are many reasons that drive people into alcohol and substance abuse, and peer pressure ranks high on that list. Keziah Njoki’s reason for embracing the bottle was to cope with heartbreak after her first lover walked out on her. She used alcohol and other drugs to cope with the rejection and numb her feelings. The 53-year-old mother of four, who is a resident of Ahero in Bahati constituency in Nakuru County, shares her story.
"When you see a person deep in alcohol and substance addiction, bear in mind that they could be going through a lot. Not all addicts are the way they are because they made the wrong choices or because they are trying to fit in with a certain circle of friends.
Two decades back, I was a teetotaler, and my health system was clean of any hard drugs. The sight of a drunkard staggering on the streets or having blacked out after a bingeing season was revolting to me. Little did I know that I too would turn into such a revolting sight not only to my children and family, but to the community in general.
I was head over heels in love at that time with my first love, and I did everything to make our relationship work. We were looking forward to settling down as an inseparable couple, but as they say, love is blind. I didn’t see the red flags until it was too late. The relationship ended abruptly and I was left with a broken heart as my boyfriend swiftly moved on. He wanted nothing to do with me.
I became sad and depressed, and I found solace in drugs and alcohol. At first, my body couldn’t tolerate the drugs, but with time I adapted and before I knew it, I was an addict. Luckily I was in the business of selling second-hand clothes, so I did not worry about how I was going to get money to buy the drugs and alcohol. I could easily afford momentary relief from that gnawing feeling of rejection and betrayal. How do you sacrifice everything only to get dumped at the 11th hour?
For the next 21 years, I abused drugs and alcohol. If I was not taking chang'aa, then I'd be high on marijuana. I was also a smoker, puffing cigarettes away. Cheap liquor was my handy substitute for chang'aa.
If I missed my daily drink or smoke, my body would react negatively. I would shake violently and feel sick. Before opening my business, I had to take a glass or two of chang'aa or any form of alcohol to keep from shaking, and a few puffs of cigarettes or bhang to prevent that sick feeling, then I'd be strong throughout the day.
Keziah Njoki Karanja, 53, found solace in drugs and alcohol after her lover dumped her, leaving her heartbroken.
As my body developed a dependency on alcohol and drugs, I would find myself making business blunders since I prioritised the drugs and drinks instead of thinking of ways to grow the business. When business was down, I found myself working in quarries where the hustle entailed carrying and arranging bricks. Remember I was raising children as a single mother, and at the same time my body was craving for its share of that daily drink and smoke.
Also read: It all started with a sip of Muratina: How drug, alcohol addiction robbed me 30 years of my life
In my neighbourhood, I was branded all kinds of names. I was called a drunkard and other unprintable names, but this didn't deter me. Ironically, in the same community, some were my support system. They prayed for me to get out of my addictive state. They did not judge me. I think they acknowledged that I was dealing with a deeper problem.
But as the saying goes, you can take a donkey to a river but you can’t force it to drink water. The same applies to addicts. You can take one to a rehabilitation facility but unless you understand exactly what demons they are battling, and what they are running away from, they might not change.
In September 2014, I had a moment of introspection. I realised that all my children were grown and they didn’t like seeing me in my drunken state. That marked the turning point. However, turning over a new leaf wasn't a walk in the park. I became ill as a result of withdrawal symptoms. The cravings were driving me berserk, but I soldiered on. I lost good friends along the way, but nothing comes without a cost. I have not touched alcohol or any drugs in 10 years, and to cap it all, I'm in gainful employment.
One lesson I’ve learnt in the two decades that I was a prisoner of alcohol and substance abuse is that one should never let their emotions control them.
