Rev Njue: What all singles and searching need to know

Couple

When another person enters your life and senses that you are content, they will intensify that feeling.

Photo credit: Fotosearch

They met with one another in social settings, on campuses, online, or at church. They discover that they are drawn to one another and are shocked by their good fortune. The desire to live out the rest of their life together grows greater than ever as their attraction to one another.

When emotions are at their highest, some people decide to speed up the process by saying things like "come we stay" and "the girl," thinking he will one day walk them down the aisle. Others tell their parents that they are getting married in a civil, traditional, or religious ceremony.

While some entrances to the institution are made attractive, others are kept simple. However, what was once sweet could eventually turn sour, and what was once a blessing becomes a curse. Many excuses are presented as to why they can't stay together, and some people start realising that this is not what they wanted. Others may decide to stay together due to shared assets and children, despite the fact that their hearts have been estranged for a very long time.

Growing resentments in a relationship are a result of problems that, before getting married, seemed to be resolved. It is crucial that you are aware of the issues that could cause problems before they arise. Casualness and lack of understanding of self has brought more harm in marriage life thus causing trauma in this institution.

Single originally meant "whole" and "unique" in the original language. The more single you become, the more ready you are to mingle. It is important to accept who you are. Never allow the pressure of you friends getting married, age or family to make you desperate. Take yourself out on dates, meet with yourself, and think positive about yourself. You are a complete person in your singleness.

If you are not content with being single, you will never be, no matter who comes along. If you are looking for somebody else to complete you, they will not because only the maker can, instead they may undermine you. Never cheapen yourself by sending, showing thighs or having sex with anybody who has not officially married to you. They will weaken the foundation of your marriage that you hope to have in future.

When another person enters your life and senses that you are content, they will intensify that feeling. For instance, if you're a young woman and you already think you're attractive because you believe so, you are likely to attract a man who will intensify what you think about yourself. If you go about your daily life believing that you are ugly, you will believe that you are unlovable and useless. Somehow, somewhere, you'll have a tendency to draw someone whose stories mirror those you've been telling yourself. What you think about yourself is a magnet that draws similar things together. You will attract what you are.

Consider the following before getting in a relationship

Don’t get into a relationship if you are hurting in expectation that the other person will bring healing – If you get into a relationship because you are broken, needy and feeble, you won’t get into a relationship because of love. You could also end up getting a person who is in the same problem as you are in and the fact remains that no man can complete you. Relationship is not a place where you find love but where you share love. Reflect on your life and deal with areas in your life that you are likely to be wounding.

Be the right person – Don't waste your time searching for Mr. and Mrs. Right; instead, spend it becoming the right person for someone. Instead of being on the lookout, spend time on things that will make you a better person and productive person.

Don’t expect the marriage to fix a person – Don't wed someone in the hopes that they would transform after the wedding. Please take note that marriage does not conceal you; rather, it magnifies who you are. Expecting your fiancé to change after marriage is unrealistic if he has been unfaithful. Instead, anticipate it to increase. Nobody can be changed by anyone else. Marriage will reveal a person, not change them. While they may temporarily change, once they have you, they will revert to their previous selves. The frog in Africa will never become a lizard in America.

When your gut tells you that this not right don’t ignore it – The best gift you have to determine if you are right or wrong is your conscience. Find a means to distance yourself from that relationship if it is upsetting you. Pay attention to your tension.

When your mentors don’t support you – The goal of a good mentor is not to win your favour. They are there to inform you of the truth. They might be able to see things you can’t see. A good mentor provides a safe environment.

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