Questions a wife shouldn’t ask her husband
At times, women speak out of turn. It can be in the heat of the moment, when words come out of a dark place, and poison lives and relationships.
What you need to know:
- No man wants their role of provider to be maligned, however meagre it is.
- Being deeply concerned is perfectly alright. But it can be a thin line between concern and derision, especially from a man’s point of view.
Words can kill or heal. And they are more potent when they come from the mouths of our loved ones. At times, women speak out of turn. It can be in the heat of the moment, when words come out of a dark place, and poison lives and relationships.
There are others, but here are a select few questions that, in my view, a wife shouldn’t ask her husband ...
“Kwani, wewe ni mwanaume wa aina gani?”
No man - no matter the size of his phallange - wants his manhood to be questioned, least of all by his better half.
The above question is: “What kind of man are you?” Depending on the situation, men will hear different things. You may be challenging him to do better, but, depending on the tone and context, a man will interpret it as a direct affront to his manhood. Here’s an example ...
Husband: “My colleague beat me to the promotion.”
Wife: “What kind of man are you?”
Crickets.
“Is this the much that you could manage?”
No man wants their role of provider to be maligned, however meagre it is.
Here’s a common scenario in many households. Husband comes home with a quarter kilo of meat. You don’t know the sacrifices he made so his family can have a change of appetite. You’re six in the family. That is, minus your two cats; Purr-Purr and Meow-Meow.
Husband: “Please prepare this for the kids.”
Wife: “Is this the much you could manage?”
Oh, oh. Powder keg.
Before you put your foot in your mouth, take the small parcel with both hands, thank the man and tell him, “May God richly bless the work of your hands”.
What you’ve done is made the man feel like he owns cattle on a thousand hills. You’ve made that man feel appreciated.
“Where did you get the money?”
Most wives know the weight, in silver and gold, of their husbands. Which can be a good or bad thing. Good, because you know how far you can push your husband, and how much you can loosen your belt. Bad, because familiarity often breeds contempt.
If you trust your husband and know that he’s honest to God, when he makes that one helluva unexpected purchase - or he surprises you with an extravagant gift - you’ll savour the moment, without spoiling it by casting aspersions or doubting his resourcefulness.
“Other men are making boss moves; what in the world are you doing with your life?”
Once again, being deeply concerned is perfectly alright. But it can be a thin line between concern and derision, especially from a man’s point of view.
Sure, other men your husband’s age are buying plots of land; from Malaa to Maralal. Your wifely disposition has every right to be concerned, because you feel like y’all are being left behind.
However, there’s a way to register your concern, without making the man feel like he’s the Loser of the County.
Flip the script. Encourage the man. Throw fire in his belly, not on his funeral pyre. Your encouragement can make him to work his fingers to the bone, and buy y’all prime property in Muthaiga.
“Why can’t you be a man for once?”
There’s a little boy in every king. Once in a while, when you least expect it, the little boy will crawl out of the crown, and give you the surprise of a lifetime.
At such times, smart women will take it real nice and slow, because they know they are taking a rare peek into their man’s soul. And these sneak peeks - (not to be confused with Freudian slips) - may reveal missing pieces of the puzzle that is your man. Which can, if you are smart, help you to better your relationship.
