The untold problems ‘pregnant’ fathers face

A pregnant woman holding an ultrasound picture in front of her belly.

Photo credit: Pool | Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

  • I was a man battling a host of fears. My wife’s declaration put me through emotional turmoil, as my mind started questioning whether I was ready for the task ahead, financially and otherwise.
  • I worried over the type of father I would make, the things set to be forfeited, and general fear of the unknown.

I didn’t expect my wife’s pregnancy to change me, but it did. My life changed in spectacular ways. 

You see, women carry the evidence, like the proverbial colt on whose back Jesus sat through His tours of Jerusalem, but there is little in the way of the man responsible.

It is the reason that other gender holds baby showers from which the man, who played a major role in creating the baby, is locked out.

What men never tell you is that we too ‘carry’ the pregnancy. I was a man battling a host of fears. My wife’s declaration put me through emotional turmoil, as my mind started questioning whether I was ready for the task ahead, financially and otherwise.

You see, a baby is a lifetime commitment, which meant that for so many years to come, I had a responsibility as the father to fund his expenses and watch over his moves, like a hawk.

I worried over the type of father I would make, the things set to be forfeited, and general fear of the unknown. This is the point at which most deadbeat dads are created, as they seek an easy escape out of all this.

At some point, I thought my wife was taking advantage of me, courtesy of hormones and cravings. She woke me up at 2am once to drive her to a petrol station because the baby had, supposedly, decided to crave the smell of chilled diesel.

When I tried to ignore that plea, tears started welling up her eyes. Once we got there, the same smell we had gone looking for irritated her, and she started vomiting like someone being exorcised. 

So much hatred

Then came a period when she seemed to develop raw hatred for me. I would be sitting at the office when a message came in; Come home right now. Aren’t you the one who got me pregnant?

While I endured this hate, she developed a very tight bond with this dog we owned called Trixie. Their love was so strong that if that dog were a man, I would have easily started having doubts about who was responsible for the pregnancy. 

The climax of ‘our’ pregnancy was the evening I followed her into the delivery room. Man, insults were hurled at me for hours on end, I almost bolted out of the door.

As we speak, I still carry a scar on my left hand where her nails kept sinking into my flesh whenever contractions hit fever pitch. I had to keep my neck away from reach after seeing chances were high; I would have been choked to death that day.

All the pregnancy drama came to an end once the baby popped, giving me the feeling of having delivered myself.

In other news, she ended up hating that Trixie dog so much after delivery that we had to give her away.

Impact on the baby

That experience taught me that a man’s mind, body and soul undergo unlimited trials and tribulations as a result of carrying the pregnancy by extension.

It takes a lot of love, patience, maturity, and understanding to hold on up to the last day.

The father’s presence (or absence) during the maternity period has a direct impact on the child that will be born. If you stress her, the baby gets stressed in the womb, so you have to be the bigger person and endure some unrealistic demands for the good of the baby.

As for me and my house, I have learnt to go slow on men whose wives are pregnant; they may look okay on the outside, but they are not.

Now look me in the eye and tell me men don’t carry pregnancies.

Hillary has raised his son alone since he was six months. hillarylisimba@gmail.com