Wife Speak: Of horrible bosses and bad spouses

Bad bosses are the number one reason people quit their jobs, according to research by Gallup, the analytics and advisory firm in matters human capital.

We know those bosses who are worse than a toothache. Their bad manners, mean streak and inhuman treatment hinges on psychopathy.

This research made me think of the bosses’ spouses.

Have you considered that these bosses from hell are also spouses of a man or woman somewhere on this planet? Someone said that your choice of a spouse will determine whether you will end up with a prayer partner or a prayer item.

There are people who are simply ill-mannered. Many of them - I hope your spouse is not included in this group - are what the Swahili talked about wale wasiofunzwa na mama hufunzwa na ulimwengu.

In my first job, as a teacher somewhere in the green highlands of Sotik, we received milk and vegetables from the school farm. I shared a single room with my equally fresh faced young colleague.

Tea affair

One particularly chilly Friday when we got the milk, we decided to make tea for the security guards. We did the same on the Saturday but on the Sunday, we went out of town and came back tired and merry and went straight to bed.

Shock on us when that night we were forced awake by loud knocking and the impatient voice of a very angry security guard.

“Where have you been? We have been waiting for tea the whole evening and it is now night time.”

“Huh?”

“Wapi chai yetu!” he thundered.

“What?”

“Are you are asleep? Where is our tea?”

It was the security manager and behind him, looking timid was a security guard holding a thermos flask.

Sobered up fast

I was still groggy but the rude approach made me sober up fast.

“We made you tea as a favour, not because it is our duty,” I told him.

He blubbered something in a language which I did not understand but I could tell it was said in anger.

“Kuna baridi sana madam… pole… ” The quiet one with a flask whispered, sounding apologetic but his boss interrupted him.

“You are indoors warm and we are out here in the cold, don’t you have any manners? We want our tea right now!”

“You need to go ask the kitchen to make you the tea. That is not our job.”

“Then come out and guard and let us in your house.”

It was getting out of line. My colleague, who spoke the man’s language screamed and told him something, which she later explained was a threat to have the student community rain on him.

Some students whose dormitory was close by heard the commotion and came to our rescue.

“Madam, are you alright, what is going on?”

“They are harassing us. Wake the boys up and go call the head teacher.”

This worked because the man left in a huff, throwing insults and threats. 

“Can you imagine that is someone’s husband?” my colleague exclaimed.

Entitled attitude

I was still in shock about such an entitled attitude and the lack of basic manners, especially from a supervisor who should have been leading by example.

“You know, a polite request and a grateful attitude would have worked. It is no big deal to make them tea, but with that stinky attitude? Never again!”

That became the end of us ever doing any such favours to the guards. He was fired.

Salty entitled attitudes will not only make you lose favours, a job, opportunities and friendships, but can lead to a broken relationship or toxic marriage.

Emotional intelligence is a term used a lot in the job market when organisations are hiring a manager. It is a term we should all consider before subjecting our ill-mannered self to our spouses.

Before you point fingers and label your spouse a toothache, you might want to go online and subject yourself to an emotional intelligence assessment. Chances are you might be the one with an attitude problem.

There are things that your partner would gladly do for you, but because of your entitled attitude, they will not consider doing them.

Do you have a toothache in your spouse or are you the toothache? Are you a prayer partner or prayer item?

The writer is a wife who believes in marriage.