Evolution of husbands through generations

In response to an earlier article about how wives have evolved, David Omondi asked, has the husband evolved? Does he need to?

I threw the question to the husbands.

The generations covered are the Traditionists referencing men born pre-1946, the Baby Boomers (1945 – 1964), Generation X (1965-1979), Millennials (1980-1984), and Gen Z (1995-2012).

Paul Mwandoe expounded on the topic.

“Our grandfathers had one single and paramount role. To provide for their wives and children. Mentoring of children was left to uncles and cousins, while companionship of their wives was left to other female relatives.”

Paul added, “Our fathers, the Baby Boomers, were caught in transit to urban areas. While they provided, they struggled to provide mentorship since the ecosystem was not there.”

This generation could only mentor by example since they did not know how to navigate some topics with their children.

“Some tried to offer companionship to their spouse but since they never saw it modelled for them, they struggled and failed terribly,” Paul says.

More present dads

The Generation X father and husband have tried to mentor and be a companion, not by modelling but by what they lacked or desired.

“Social settings have allowed them to be more present dads and husbands,” Paul says adding that provision remains a key role of a man, irrespective of the generation, even though the wives now equally provide. Generation X is fully invested in their child’s life while struggling to be equally invested in the emotional connection with his wife.

Ezekiel Wanyama* was concerned that the successive husband is only a symbol in the family while power and influence have shifted to the wife.

“The husband is slowly becoming an endangered species. Anything he says is questioned and thoroughly scrutinised. Any argument that arises results in denial of conjugal rights.”

Felix Mwangi summarised the characteristics of the five generations of husbands thus, “My grandfather was a wolf. My dad was Dingo. I am Bosco. My son shall most likely be a Chihuahua.”

The Wolf husband ruled his pack with an iron fist. He ‘disciplined’ his wives more than he did his children.

“He was heard, not seen,” Felix says.

The Dingo husband was wild and loud, scattering wild oats wherever he went. His wife can best be described as long-suffering. Bosco is tamer and more relatable, to the wife who is a partner, while Chihuahua, according to Felix is a loved-up, softened husband.

Noisy spouses

Hussein Ahmed* pointed out that the husband has evolved from the extremist right, where he was authoritarian and treated like a demigod, to the centre, where he is trying to connect to the wife who also comes from the extreme left.

“The wife is rising and raising her voice. Our sons will be completely dominated by noisy spouses, and will not want that union called marriage.” Hussein says.

John Bii* described the Traditionist husband as mythical.

“He was provider, protector, His Majesty, often a polygamist revered by all his wives and children, who stayed on the straight and narrow of his commands.”

This husband was the greatest benefactor of the cultural rules with strict Dos and Don’ts for women, but none for him. 

The Baby Boomer husband focused on the nuclear family and had the added responsibility of the extended family. He was educated and religious with an equally educated and religious wife. He shared the responsibility of provision with his wife, who also had a voice.

Though firm and often furious, he could argue with his wife and tolerate a different opinion, unlike the previous generation of husbands.

Hidden mistress

The Gen X husband is fully invested in the couple's relationship.

“Highly educated, he questions traditions, and religion, and tries to be assertive in a world with a liberated woman.”

John classifies the Gen X husband into three distinct types. The nice guy who is fully involved in the home, from sharing the household chores to being present to his wife and children and the dictator who tries to uphold the belief of yonder years on a modern wife.

“This is the wife batterer. He takes on some responsibilities to assuage his ego but avoids burdensome assignments.”

John adds that this type will kick out the wife when she questions him. “He is overly concerned about the success of his children, mostly in academics, but does not give a hoot about his wife. He mostly has a hidden mistress or child somewhere.”

The reckless lot. “If the wife has not moved out because of his drinking, philandering, and violence, she is held back by what the church or society will say,” John says this type of husband does not even know their child’s teacher’s name or how the children are faring in school, as he completely neglects the emotional responsibilities towards his wife and children.

The Millennial husband, according to Bii, “Can pack up, leave his wife, leave everything behind and move back to his mother’s house. He fights over petty issues and is insecure.”

Husbands, what do you say about these sentiments?

[email protected]