Don’t be the family kua-kua
Family is supposed to be the most loving place where a man retreats and finds refuge and healing from the stresses of daily life.
What you need to know:
- The family kua-kua has his own hellish issues, but nobody pays attention to them.
- Man, you should not sink into depression and debilitating debt while helping out others. That’s where you draw the line.
In Nairobi’s Marigiti – the bustling market in the city centre that’s the conduit for virtually the entire capital city’s fresh produce – there are men known as, kua-kua.
Kua is Kikuyu for, carry. Methinks these brothers are called kua-kua because they are twice the man that other men are.
These men are not your usual luggage carriers; they are supermen.
They stagger and meander through busy streets with super-heavy gunny sacks on their bent backs, at times contending with uppity citizens, underpaying customers or foul weather.
Kudos, kua-kuas. Thanks for carrying this city on your blessed backs.
In many families, we have men who are kua-kua. These are men who have been forced into the servitude role of carrying their family’s gunny sacks, laden with all manner of items and issues, at the expense of their pursuit of happiness, comfort or development.
In many cases, the family kua-kua is the sensitive type.
He’s the one who always has accessible shoulders for every family member’s cross.
Sometimes, whether he likes it or not, baggage is thrust on his shoulders by other folks – (more like users and abusers) – who are suffering from a severe case of dereliction of duty.
Prey and predators
Family is supposed to be the most loving place where a man retreats and finds refuge and healing from the stresses of daily life.
But there are times when some families can feel like a jungle filled with prey and predators.
Once some family predators identify their prey, he will be killed with burdens and baggage after being guilt-tripped into taking other’s responsibilities.
The family kua-kua has his own hellish issues, but nobody pays attention to them.
His demons are treated like they don’t even exist, although they are haunting him like crazy. Literally.
Even when he is dying under the weight of heavy gunny sacks, the family keeps piling more weight.
This is why the family kua-kua is the most susceptible family member to mental health issues, depression and suicide attempts.
The family kua-kua often thinks that, because he is always lending a helping hand, he is superman; even if both his arms were amputated the last time he put them in the line of a whirring band-saw to rescue a family member.
What the family kua-kua doesn’t know is that he’s a super-sucker. With two capital Ss.
It’s okay to help loved ones. But help has its limits. Even in the jungle, animals help their offspring or members of their pack, to a certain extent.
Man, you should not sink into depression and debilitating debt while helping out others. That’s where you draw the line.
The family kua-kua thinks he is aiding his loved ones, but he is aiding and abetting the demise of his dreams.
A Marigiti kua-kua never asks what’s in the mzigo he is carrying.
Ultimate price
They could be carrying a sack of potatoes for a fast food joint or a gunia of the pot to launch (and light up) Wajackoya’s manifesto, but he will get the goods to the customer’s destination for a fee.
Ditto the family kua-kua. The only difference is, with the family kua-kua, he carries the load and pays the ultimate price.
A Marigiti kua-kua only retires when his back bites the dust. Same applies to the family kua-kua. Unless he decides that he’s had enough.
Men, we all have absolute authority over our destiny. But, because we do not exercise this God-given authority, we do not know how it feels to be free.
If the kua-kuas in Marigiti went on a strike, the city would starve to death.
That’s the power a family kua-kua has. Unfortunately, he does not know it. If only he knew his worth and power, he would not let his back, brain and bucks to be abused.
Men, repeat after me: “I will be the best man I can be. But I will not be the family kua-kua. So, help me God.”
