Diversity should never be a cause for division

Family disagreements are common between spouses and parent-child. Disagreements may range from social affairs, science or home affairs. Someone once said, where two or three gather, a conflict is waiting to happen. For example, when family members disagree about politics, it can lead to emotional bruising through their exchanges, words and tone used, and non-verbal actions.

In one of her articles, Tovia Smith from NPR, notes that a recent survey shows how much America's bitter political divide was causing social splintering and taking a toll on friendships. If our election cycles can serve as a reminder, I can’t agree more!

 Although the unity of a home or nation should be of greater concern, we tend to be consumed more by what divides than what unites us. My view is that it is okay to see things differently, but this should not diminish the value and respect we have for each other.

Learning to appreciate your partner’s uniqueness and perspective enables your partner in return to respect you and the part you play in the relationship. We were never created to have uniform approach in life or play similar roles in the relationship. In fact, it is our diversity that brings a spark to the relationship. We have to appreciate that, unity should never be equated to sameness.

Treasure

Ideally, in any relationship, either spouse must see their uniqueness as a treasure that helps them play a complimentary but important role and not opposition. This brings to question many questions we might ask ourselves:

“How do I acknowledge and value my spouse’s views and perspective of various issues like money, parenting or even politics?”  Such acknowledgement affirms them.

In relationships, embracing diversity compliments and enhances our unity and productivity.  Let’s draw from the recently concluded election. It was both emotive and closely contested, the perfect environment for differences to pop up. How did you handle each other?

 In 2013, I sat with many couples who had vowed to divorce because of their different political stands.  They found themselves on opposing sides on the political divide all the way to the Supreme Court. The election happened and the Supreme Court judges gave their ruling. It took a counsellor and the cries of the children for the couple to reconcile and get back to building their family.

Differences aside

By putting their differences aside, they were able to build healthy perspectives on the issue without losing sight of what was important—their marriage and family.

Choosing a healthy view on issues that could divide a couple enriches the relationship greatly.  After all, storms make oaks take deeper roots. This often calls for either spouse to resist the urge to mock or be a hypocrite and instead be   frank and sincere.

The tough one here is learning to truly care and empathise with your partner’s feelings even when it hurts you to do so.  Bonds are strengthened where we make sacrifices for each other. Instead of seeking revenge and mockery, spouses need to look for better ways of confronting the issues that are likely to divide them.

To embrace diversity while at the same time remain undivided starts with, avoiding self-centred attitude. We need to be a people who do nothing out of selfish ambition but instead value others above ourselves. We need to get to a place in relationship where our spouses, children and friends in general feel valued by us because we are willing to listen to them.

Mature enough

In addition, we must be mature enough to celebrate with those who succeed and empathise with others who are going through regret and disappointment.

When unity is without duplicity, we are able to focus on corporate rather than individual gain. Our unsuccessful moments in life must be embraced for the learning they bring. In the end we will be more experienced in making smarter decisions. Here are some practical ways to defend marital unity:

Qualify your sources of information. Remember, garbage in, garbage out. What we listen/read will influence how we think and make decisions,

Learn to talk life instead of negativity. Test your motives as you share information or opinions. Are you genuine or do you intend to manipulate the receiver of the information?

Consider the bigger good

Avoid gossip and sowing seeds of strife. Consider the bigger good. In a heated political environment, gossip and slander is prevalent. Steer clear from such discussions.

Forgive as a way of promoting ceasefire and common good.

Strife will create animosity and seek to separate; while forgiveness may be tough but will unite. Show understanding and learn to honour the undeserving. Life is not all about winning.

Invest in building bridges of peace. Embrace a greater acceptance and tolerance for people and their feelings on issues, more so when they differ from yours. Work towards a peaceable and harmonious environment in the home. Don’t lose sight of the big picture, and what really matters; your vision for the family and its wellbeing.

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