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If not healed, a person carrying anger can easily release aggression on other innocent people.
Hi Pastor,
My step dad married my biological mum when I was seven years old. He came from a marriage that lasted a decade before the wife left him. He was left with two daughters from that marriage.
A year ago, my step dad started being violent. He started insulting my mum and beating her. This abuse was also meted out to us.
Although I am older now, I am still hurt from watching my mum being abused. Recently my step dad was jailed for reasons unknown and my mum goes to visit him.
I wouldn’t say I like that she is choosing to stay in touch with her abusive husband. My heart is filled with pain and bitterness.
Hi,
While you were young, there was nothing you could have done to stop the violence against your mother. Your step dad is a man who has made bad choices in life.
Sadly, his behaviour has landed him in jail-even though we may not know under what circumstances.
Hate and anger will only breed fear and resentment that is equally deadly. At times a carrier of hate and anger like yourself can end up with a messy future in comparison to the abuser.
If not healed, a person carrying anger can easily release aggression on other innocent people.
Now that you are in a different environment, you must make the right choices. You or your siblings do not need to rush into judging your mother for visiting without properly understanding why she is doing so.
Today, you can make a choice that would redefine your worldview on life and family. This will help you chart a new path to healthy relations. You don’t have to make the same mistakes as your abusive step-dad did.
To move forward, you must deal with this past decisively. Your step-dad made choices that he will always be responsible for. There is a need for a recognition that you’re his abuse has no place in your future. Therefore, you have to disconnect yourself from it.
Embrace forgiveness
You are grown up now and able to decide what to do with the abuse you experienced as you map out the kind of future you want to have.
Ahead of you is the choice to allow hate to fester inside of you or to look for ways of getting rid of it. If not, the negative feelings that you have now can most likely lead you on a self-destructive path.
Embracing forgiveness is the best choice to help you let go of the wrong and the pain without expecting anything in return. This will help you offload the weight on your heart and mind.
Don’t let hate lead you to worse actions in the future. What you carry is evidence of a strong emotion resulting from the past and that can only be dealt by letting go and exercising forgiveness.
If not, this will act like a slow poison in your mind and body that has the ability to pollute your heart, soul and finally destroy you.
Unresolved hate could easily inflict pain in others unintentionally. If you can’t do it, talking about your feeling with responsible people who are professionals will help relieve the inner pressure that you feel.
Second, the way you deal with the hate and anger that you have is essential. To deal with this past may need to go beyond an act of saying “I forgive you.” Forgiveness must be voluntary from your side.
Positive thoughts
However, you should not assume that forgiveness will automatically be dual way. On you part, forgiveness will help you start on the process of offloading the past.
On the other hand, your future will be build more on rebuilding your life by establishing new thought patterns and behaviour.
So, start by forgiving self against any inner accusations. Move on then to forgive those who hurt you and your family. Learn then, how to develop positive thoughts that will be essential for lasting healing.
The truth is, you have the ability to control the feeling of anger and hate that you have instead of choosing blame. No one can forgive our aggressors on our behalf.
Trust will happen as you seek to build positive thoughts towards your life and step-dad.
Mother Theresa notes that, “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centred. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create it anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. In the final analysis it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
