Daddy Diaries: People thought raising my son alone was unmanly

Many people will tell you that it is illogical for a man to not only let his wife pursue a job offer abroad, but also accept to take care of a breastfeeding baby by himself. I was in such a dilemma.

Even my wife was apprehensive about my abilities to do it alone

At first, the idea of raising our baby single-handedly sounded odd to me, but I was relentless in my pursuit. 
For a moment, I marvelled at the ability of women to raise children even if she is a novice. In the days that followed, my mind turned into a whirlwind of doubt, questions and fear. But I was ready to raise our breastfeeding baby.

Even my wife was apprehensive about my abilities to do it alone, being my first ever attempt. 
I lost count of the number of times she begged me to rescind my decision, as she was ready to let go of that once-in-a-lifetime chance and stay.

The beginning of trouble

Trouble started when I informed my folks that I had made an unpopular decision but wanted their support and blessings. My mom, known not to mince her words, expressed her feelings through a question. She asked whether the move was for the ‘better or bitter’, and I maintained that it was for ‘the better’. She proposed to raise her grandson on my behalf. I protested the suggestion because I was the father, with an income and could afford food and shelter. I remained so adamant that the discussion was abandoned. My dad, a man of few words, reserved his opinion on the matter. I could tell that he wondered about the kind of son he raised. 
I knew things were bad when a close aunt sat me down regarding the same matter. She asked me who the Luhya man I had seen letting the wife go while he remained with a breastfeeding baby. Her words tore through me like a hurricane. I was no longer Hillary, but a Luhya man doing something considered unmanly.  
It turned out to be the push I so much needed. The willpower to fire me through the labyrinth of doubt as I worked towards changing the traditional view of fatherhood. By this time, my mind was set on success, even if it meant being excommunicated from the community. 

Mind set on success

I ran into the angriest face of societal rebellion the day my baby cried inconsolably. I decided to seek parental opinion from a women’s Facebook forum with over 10,000 members. I soon found out that some of them harboured bitter feelings towards men who had reneged on parental provision. I walked right into that raw anger, and my posts attracted more hate than sympathy. Venom was spewed, and my sexuality questioned. Others offered me bras, tampons, and panties. But, you see, when a baby is crying while staring into your eyes, there is not an insult big enough to stand in your quest for solutions. I scrolled through the abuses until I found an answer.
I would post over and again until the group members noticed that I was a problem they could not do away with. Sometimes, my questions elicited answers which other people with similar predicaments as me needed. They begrudgingly started embracing me. I received so much acceptance and support that if one of them asked what I was doing in a women’s group, the rest would descend on the comment so viciously and force her to delete it. I was finally one of them. A path once dotted with fire and fury put me in line for a wealth of parental information that many fathers miss out on. It also gave a voice to the fathers who were in the same group but were afraid of speaking up for fear of admonition. These days, the same women who were baying for my blood at first now refer to me as Women Rep.They also wish me Mothers’ Day every year, and they tag me on posts about motherhood. My folks have also embraced my decision, and are proud of me.