Sexual violence survivors should not be muzzled

There is no such thing as the perfect time or place to talk about sexual violence.

The culture of silence about the issue is one of the biggest reasons it thrives in the first place, so anybody who wants to talk about it should be encouraged to do so.

It could be at funerals, weddings, birthdays and christenings, initiation ceremonies, in a matatu or nightclub. Any time and place is the perfect time and place.

Think about it. Sexual violence survivors hardly ever catch a break when they want to speak out.

Whether they accuse a man or woman of sexual violence at his wake or when he is full of life, there will always be people justifying why they should remain quiet.

REPORTER HOUNDED

They are told, “He has a young family; why do you want to break it?” “His career is just taking off and this could ruin things for him.” “You just want to extort her because she’s now rich and famous,” or “Why did you wait for so long before speaking up?”

A recent incident brought this reality to the fore. When the news of the death of basketball icon Kobe Bryant broke, one journalist broke a social rule by speaking ill of the dead and met the wrath of the world.

According to CNN, Felicia Sonmez, a Washington Post reporter, was castigated by the public and suspended by her employer for sharing a story detailing the intrigues of rape accusations levelled against Kobe by a hotel employee in Colorado in 2003.

Ms Sonmez was later reinstated. Her employer explained that she had, in fact, not broken any rules as she had not violated their social media policy. Of course, she hadn’t.

Journalists are truth slingers, after all. And truth slingers don’t care much for perfect timing or appropriateness, especially in matters human rights.

THRIVING IN SILENCE

Around the same period, self-exiled Kenyan poet and political activist Shailja Patel also tweeted her thoughts about the same issue.

One of Ms Patel’s Tweets read: “Looking at the Kobe Bryant rape investigation alongside the ongoing Weinstein rape trial shows how patriarchy gaslights victims.”

The popular school of thought on the matter of the two women excavating the skeletons of Kobe’s past has been that as it was a time of mourning, compassion should have reigned supreme.

Death raises enough complex emotions and questions and it could seem insensitive to add more questions and further complicate feelings, but glossing over the details of someone’s life, of the things and events that defined their careers, no matter how murky they are or uncomfortable they make people feel, is damaging.

It’s especially damaging when the topic people are asked to be silent about is sexual violence.

The vile and rage levelled at the two women shows two things: one, the humaneness of the people who hated them for saying what they did because they were mourning the loss of a hero, father, friend, uncle, teammate, and all the things he was to the different people in his life. Two, that sexual violence still thrives in silence.

HUMAN DIGNITY

Death and sexual violence have much in common. Both are shrouded in mystery. Both rob their victims of something they can never get back.

But the glue that binds these two is that people don’t like to talk about them.

The silence gets louder when they both become topics in relation to prominent personalities like well-loved sports icons, politicians, wealthy people and power brokers.

Yet silence on such matters reduces the human dignity that’s aspired for even in death.

In one of her tweets, Ms Sonmez wrote, “Any public figure is worth remembering in their totality... even if that public figure is beloved and that totality unsettling.”

And to demand that anybody stay quiet about matters to do with sexual violence, no matter how ill-timed or inappropriate it is, is akin to cutting off the tongues of victims of sexual violence.

Mourning must not be used as a curtain to muffle the voices of those whose only sin is seeking to be heard.

The writer comments on gender and social issues; [email protected], Twitter: @FaithOneya