An angry Speaker, a winning Scot... events beyond Covid-19

There comes a time when writing another column about the Covid-19 pandemic stretches the call of duty too far – and I would guess that reading one must induce a similar glassy-eyed response. 

After all, lots of other things are going on in this sceptered isle which merit at least a passing mention – the Prime Minister getting a sound telling-off, for instance. 

What happened was Prime Minister Boris Johnson made an important announcement about the lifting of Covid-19 restrictions (sorry!) by means of a televised press conference instead of standing up in the House of Commons and telling MPs in person. 

This prompted the wrath of the House Speaker, Sir Lindsay Hoyle, for whom, and rightly, Parliament is paramount. 

“I find it totally unacceptable that Downing Street (Johnson’s house and office) is running roughshod over MPs,” he declared, and ordered the Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, to appear in Parliament and make a statement at 8.30pm. 

He would have directed Johnson to do this, but the head of government had already flown to Brussels. 
He was lucky. 

Relaxed about cussing 

Declared Speaker Hoyle: “I say now, prime minister, you are on my watch, and I want you to treat this House correctly.” 

Whether a furious Sir Lindsay spoke privately about the prime minister in, let us say, more forthright terms, we do not know, but new research has shown that Britons are more relaxed about cussing than they used to be. 

The British Board of Film Classification, which gives age ratings to movies, reported that a third of people in the UK are more likely to use strong swear words now than they were five years ago. 

Interviews with 1,000 respondents showed that six in 10 Britons accept strong swearing, such as use of the F-word, as part of everyday life. 

But there was a significant generational divide, with three-quarters of those aged over 65 saying they would never use strong swear words in public. 

Meanwhile, parents of all ages said they wanted their children protected from heavy cursing in movies and on TV. 

180kg man-mountain

The Scots always enjoy getting one over the English, so they must be well pleased by the efforts of Tom Stoltman from Invergordon. 

This 2m (6ft 8 in), 180 kg man-mountain beat not only the English but everyone else out of sight when he became officially the World’s Strongest Man at a competition in Sacramento, California. 

Feats of strength included the so-called car walk. This required each contestant to lift a hollowed-out car, with his head poking out through the sun roof, then run with it for 25 metres. 

Another event was raising and heaving onto the back of a truck huge and unwieldy objects such as anchors, chains, sandbags, anvils, beer kegs and blocks of ice. 

I just hope there were no tender-eared American children around since the efforts required to complete these tasks must surely have been accompanied by a wee swear word or two. 

If the ruling Conservatives were feeling smug about their huge 85-seat majority in the Commons, they are no longer. 

A by-election in the hitherto rock-solid Tory Chesham and Amersham constituency went to the Liberal Democratic candidate, Sarah Green. 

She overturned a 16,223 majority to win an 8,028 lead of her own. 

Chesham and Amersham are in the south of England and analysts argued that the loss was due to Johnson’s party spending too much money on industry and development in the north of the country, where it has taken several historically Labour seats. 

Lib Dem leader Ed Davey said his party would now target previously safe Tory seats in the south, especially those with slender margins. 

Sarah Green, he said, had shown that the Conservatives were not unbeatable. 

Conservative heavyweights Dominic Raab, Michael Gove and Jeremy Hunt all have smaller majorities than the one overturned by Sarah Green. 

***

Two stories of transfigurations: 

Firstly, a man was walking through the woods and stumbled across a lamp, which, in honoured fashion, he rubbed. 

The genie duly appeared, offering three wishes. 

“I’d like a million pounds,” the man said, and a huge pile of £20 notes promptly materialised at his feet. 

Second wish? A Ferrari! 

Whoosh, a gleaming new Ferrari sports car appeared from nowhere. 

“And your third wish?” asked the genie. 

“I’d like to be made irresistible to women,” the man said, whereupon he was turned into a box of chocolates. 

Secondly, a couple in their 60s were wondering how to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary when a helpful fairy appeared and offered a helping wand. 

The wife said she wanted to go with her husband on a world cruise. 

Poof! The tickets were in her hand. 

The husband whispered that he wanted to go with a female companion 30 years younger than himself.

He promptly turned into a man of 90. 

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