Sorry, we need leaders, not village funeral attendees

You probably have watched that video of Lurambi MP Titus Khamala welcoming Dr Mukhisa Kituyi back home. The man had barely recovered from jetlag only to be attacked by the MP keen to have him ruled out of the 2022 presidential race with a bruised ego and inflamed tear glands.

It was a badly timed tackle that should have been reviewed by the video assistant referee in-charge of fostering Luhya unity, but it seems everyone is fixated on the BBI score board at the county assemblies to even attend to other housekeeping issues.

Granted, Kenyan politics has never claimed kinship with white cotton, and we do not expect our politicians to help the Kenya Film and Classification Board (KFCB) with generating clean content.

But if the Lurambi MP was to take on Dr Kituyi, you would expect him to present a public pitch on how Lurambi traders can benefit from the African Continental Free Trade Area Agreement of 2012, and those other policy issues MPs are elected to legislate for the benefit of their constituents.

But you get the feeling these policy discussions are above the paygrade of Bishop Khamala – and that’s why he can only mask his legislative incompetence by taking up a career in village comedy.

Corruption scandals

Dr Mukhisa Kituyi served as MP and minister during the Mwai Kibaki government, infamous for stomach-churning corruption scandals, from Anglo Leasing to Maize, Tokyo Embassy, Triton, to Nairobi Cemetery land.

You would expect the Lurambi MP to accuse Dr Kituyi of eating our maize or giving the dead nightmares by grabbing their final resting place and eating it with his friends.

But there is no documented record of Dr Kituyi dipping his hands in those dirty things, or even at the very mundane, something to prove his incompetence to be president — like reading ministerial speeches while taking lengthy pauses as if filling a puzzle of Sudoku.

What that MP doesn’t recognise is that Kenyans are looking for a president, not a village funeral attendee. We are so deep in debt right now and our economy is almost going into recession that we need someone who understands how to balance our books and put us back on the international green credit zone.

Policy discussion

We are busy vetting presidential candidates who can hold a policy discussion with the United States president on equal terms, plant an iron dome between Kenyans and Covid-19, and tell Al Shabaab to go play with their age mates.

We want someone who can improve our quality of life so that Kenyans can stop dying and deny politicians a chance to explore their talents in dancing on graves.

Attending funerals is not a constitutional requirement for anyone intending to become president, neither is inciting villagers to waylay politicians for cash handouts whenever they are spotted in public. 

When Kenyans need funeral ushers to position themselves at vantage points so that Nairobi guests can find toilets easily, we will put that position in the constitution so that Mr Khamala can be busy in retirement instead of making weekend tours around villages to mock the dead.

We will also remember him when we need village comedians to send to Beijing to renegotiate our loans with China, if he can guarantee us meaningful results.

For now, this presidential race is not for village jokers whose worldview is limited to pit latrines and making fun at funerals. If Kenyans wanted a clown show, we know where the national circus is, and it isn’t in State House.

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