Of man who tried to sell Uhuru Park to Americans and other prison tales

From having a parallel economy to being an incubation ground for the most creative scams ever hatched, there is never a dull moment in remand, according to individuals who have previously spent time there.

It is a world where Sh800 can get one the best smartphone in the market and where prison warders thrive on kickbacks as low as Sh100 to give favours such as extra blankets, pieces of meat and even time to talk to loved ones.

And whereas prison bosses insist that remand does not respect status, money literally talks in such an ecosystem where small things mean a lot.

ABUSE OF OFFICE

Dr Ongong’a Achieng’, a son of independence hero Achieng Oneko, knows this only too well.

“Money will help you buy a few things that are allowed there,” he says.

Dr Achieng’ was one of the first high-profile Kenyans to be thrown in for abuse of office.

In September 2012, he was handed a three-year sentence after being found guilty of conspiracy to defraud the Tourism ministry of Sh8.4 million in his capacity as the managing director of the Kenya Tourism Board.

He was jailed alongside former Tourism permanent secretary Rebecca Nabutola. He was later acquitted.

MONEY TRANSFER

Dr Achieng’s prison diary detailing his two-month stay at the Nairobi Remand Prison is an engrossing read.

There, he came to learn that it is not a myth that calls made to con Kenyans through mobile money transfer come from prison.

“There is a time when a crafty young man, who had just been transferred from Kodiaga in Kisumu, asked for five phones from the inmates. Using the phones and his unique ability to change voices when calling various individuals, he took just an hour to raise Sh20,000 by duping unsuspecting Kenyans,” says Dr Achieng’.

From the loot, he paid a commission to each of the phone owners then used the rest to buy privileges, which at that time included warm porridge with sugar and meat daily. So tough was the young man that he was soon transferred again to Kamiti.

Getting meat on a daily basis was sure to make other prisoners complain and this was sorted out by hiding the pieces under ugali, he remembers.

HARDCORE CRIMINALS

Meat, blankets and hot porridge may be a cushion for the able, but the reality is that any VIP who lands there has a problem adjusting.

Dr Achieng’, for instance, had been section head at the United Nations, a lecturer and a managing director, but when he landed there, his status meant nothing.

“Most of the people you meet there, almost 99 per cent, are hardcore criminals — murderers, violent robbers, street ruffians — people with a very low standard of living who more or less belong to the place. Some of them are very comfortable there,” he says.

It took him five long days before he could take a bath, as he could not bring himself to undress in the prison environment.

One of the shocks a new prisoner faces, he says, is from the food served. During his time there, he remembers that the food, much as it was heavy enough, was of very low quality. In that place, he observes, githeri is a very special meal served once a week.

PRISON HUMOUR

“In a week, you only have one day — I think it was Thursday — when you can have some two pieces of meat dropped in your cabbage, somewhere there. If you have money, you can buy more meat through prison warders. You can give them Sh100 or Sh200. That will be enough for two or three meals,” he says.

“If you know how to live with them, you’ll live longer. From there, I learnt how to live with them,” said Dr Achieng’.

Another thing that is sure to throw a prisoner off-balance is the crowding, which Dr Ongong’a termed “very intimidating”.

The saving grace, he said, is the humour from inmates’ tales of their brush with the law. From sunrise to about 4pm, the remandees spend most of the day at a yard outside their cells, where they get to share stories.

“You get to learn a lot about what is happening in our country,” he says. “There are people with stories that you can’t believe.”

 There is one who had been arrested after attempting to sell Nairobi’s Uhuru Park to American buyers.

MANY BUILDINGS

 “He went there with a Range Rover, and security detail, just to show that it was all his,” recalls the lecturer, laughing.

There was even an inmate who was Dr Achieng’s student in prison who was so sympathetic that he offered to help kill whoever fixed the lecturer, by enlisting the help of street children.

And Sh10,000 was enough to do the job.

He also heard of people fantasising about the many buildings around Nairobi’s Tom Mboya Street that have the year of their construction engraved on them.

Because it was clear their leases had expired, reasoned one prisoner who claimed to have contacts at the Lands ministry, there was room to make a kill.

“A guy came to my bed and told me, ‘You have a big name and an even bigger family name. I can give you a building in town,’” he recalls.

STREET CHILDREN

During those sessions he also heard fellow inmates discussing various judges and their prices.

Street children, it also emerged, are highly valued people in prison.

“They would come from court and warn inmates who are set to appear there that certain magistrates or judges were not in good mood. They would advise the inmates to feign sickness in order to avoid court appearances that would send them to jail for many years,” says Dr Achieng’.