Married for 80 years and still madly in love

Have you ever wondered what could keep a couple together for so many years in a world where the institution of marriage is facing very serious challenges?

Well, an English couple has all the answers after 80 years of marriage.

According to Maurice and Helen Kaye, tolerance is the secret to a long and happy marriage.

At 102 and 101 years old respectively, the pair has been married for 80 years, making them one of Britain’s oldest couples.

“You must not be hard on each other,” said Mrs Kaye in a BBC article published on Wednesday. “And if you have to give in a little bit, you give in a little bit.”

When asked if her lasting love is the result of luck or fate, Mrs Kaye decided it must be the latter. “You can never plan anything,” she explained. “How can you plan for 80 years? It is fate.”

Mr and Mrs Kaye met as teenagers in 1929 at her mother’s shop in Walworth, London, and waited four years before getting married so Mrs Kaye’s older sister could be wed first.

“(Mr Kaye) had a car and in those days not very many people had cars, which made him interesting,” Mrs Kaye recalled.

After marrying, Mr Kaye managed two shops and his father’s factory in London before volunteering for the Army in 1939.

Mrs Kaye ran the business in her husband’s absence, but in 1944 their factory, shops and home were destroyed as a result of the Second World War.

“I didn’t think it would last a week, but it’s amazing it’s lasted 80 years,” said Mr Kaye. Always agree with your wife and always remember to “forgive and forget.”

OAK ANNIVERSARY

Part of a family of four generations, the couple will celebrate their “oak” anniversary with their two surviving children, seven grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.

A Kenyan counselling psychologist Lucy Kiathe termed an 80-year marriage as a “great accomplishment”. Ms Kiathe believes many couples could learn from the example of Mr and Mrs Kaye have set.

A study by Infotrak in 2010 showed that only 40 per cent of Kenyans report being happily married and three in 10 said they would not marry their current spouse again if given a second chance.

“At one point, whether from the beginning or along the way, they (Mr and Mrs Kaye) realised the most important people in their whole relationship is themselves. They didn’t focus on their children, money or careers,” she explained.

LIVING THINGS

“Any kind of a relationship is like a living thing, it needs watering to work.”

Mrs Kiathe, who has been working for the Amani Counselling Centre and Training Institute in Nairobi for eight years, says she offers marriage counselling to as many as five couples per week.

She lists neglect, lack of openness and unfaithfulness as the main reasons why the institution of marriage is on the rocks.

This is compounded further by “emotional infidelity,” which often takes place through online “flirting.”

“Most conflicts come from lack of focus on the relationship itself,” she says. “Maybe a couple is focused on other things, including children, finances or their careers.

Mr and Mrs Kaye enjoyed true intimacy, a level of commitment that involves wanting the best for your partner and making sacrifices so he or she can grow.”

Anna Mutune, who is about to get married to Mr Samuel Mungai in December, hopes to achieve this kind of intimacy. “Mr and Mrs Kaye make quite an impressive couple,” Ms Mutune says.

“That’s something I look forward to, spending a lifetime with my partner,” she says. “Normally, the idea is to live together for as long as you live.”

Ms Mutune, 27, who has been dating 32-year-old Mungai since 2001 believes age is an important factor in marriage.

“You’ve got to be old enough to understand the implications of your decision ,” Ms Mutune says.