Real gentlemen exist, even in the most unlikely places!

Today’s column is dedicated to real gentlemen.

The first offered a lady a seat in the matatu I was in two days ago! I was excited – that gentlemen still exist, even in the most unlikely places!

I will tell you how the guy ended up offering the lady a seat – before I continue with my ode to good guys. They were both standing – both got into the 'mat'when it was already full.

Now, if you are a logical personality like me, you were probably asking, “What were they thinking, getting into a mat with no empty seat?”

And I am co-asking that question because I never understand why anyone willingly gets into a mat with no empty seat. Do they pay half the bus fare or what motivates them to suffer like that?

Well, a friend once told me that sometimes people are in a hurry, and so they opt to stand in an already full bus, instead of waiting.

At the next stop, I noticed the man offer the lady a seat. Someone got off the bus. The guy was close to the seat, but instead of taking it up, he motioned to the lady to go and sit.

This might not sound like much, but if you regularly read stories about femicide, kidnapping, and rape, you will understand why, even the tiniest sign of safety for women in public spaces is a big deal.

Last week, Nation.Africa was following a story of a 24-year-old church secretary who was found dead in a pit latrine inside a Catholic Women Association centre in Embu.

Investigations show that her rib was broken, and she was raped before being murdered. This is not an isolated case, unfortunately.

On Friday evening, I went shopping at the supermarket in my hood. The mall is a walking distance from where I live. I usually prefer to do weekly grocery shopping on Friday evenings to ensure I have a restful weekend, with no errands to run.

Also read: Celebrating men as allies of equality

As usual, I hailed an online taxi to take me home after I was done shopping. “I almost did not come. I thought you had ordered the ride by mistake,” the cab driver said when he arrived.

This is not the first time I have been told by a taxi driver – that the destination is too close. Many ask me if I am sure the location I put on the app is my actual last stop.

I was still settling down in the car, so I did not give an answer. But he continued. “Lakini vile ninaona hii barabara, it is better that you use a cab and be safe. Hakuna watu wengi kwa barabara. If you were a man, it would be safe – ungetembea tu,” he said.

We were now halfway through the four-minute ride to my house. I was not surprised that the cab driver knew instinctively that a man would be safer walking home at that time; it was around 8pm. And for the record, if I was in the company of a man, I would have comfortably walked back to the house.

While I was happy that I had met yet another gentleman, who understood that women needed extra protection, I was sad that in reality, unless something drastic happens, women will continue to be at risk of bad people – rapists, murderers, and violent men.

I remember once having this conversation with a colleague and his initial response was something along the lines of “but even for us, men, if we went out at night we can get robbed, beaten up, or maimed by bad guys. So it is the same thing.”

I explained to him that women have to worry about everything he has just listed, and in addition to that, worry about being raped and murdered. I saw something like the realisation of dawn on his face.

Safer world

As I end this column, I want to say to all gentlemen out there, do not stop being gentlemen. It takes both men and women to create a world that is safer for everyone.

A world where men are kind to women and vice versa, a world where man is not the biggest enemy of another man, indeed, a world that we can confidently bequeath to the future generation.

And in case all of these are abstract, think about the difference you would make if you called out the bad guys bullying your classmates or chatting up a girl who is clearly uncomfortable.

Remember, all it takes for evil to thrive, is for the good guys to stay silent.

The writer is the Research and Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected])