Have yourself a gender equal Christmas

At this time of the year some 20 plus years ago, I would have shopped, decorated the house, addressed and sent stacks of Christmas cards to friends and relatives, and generally fried myself to create a Christmas magic. To my then young sons, there was no Christmas without a decorated tree in our home. I would do the decorating late in the night, sometimes till 2am, while their late dad would be sound asleep.

Christmas is ideally the most wonderful time of the year. But for most women, it is overwhelming. Apart from the everyday labour including cooking, cleaning and organising, they also take charge of shopping, party-organising, and even trip-planning (for those who take holidays). Then there is the societal pressures and expectations of them to be the best host and provide a perfect Christmas experience.

Burden of planning

I had a chat with a neighbour recently. I wasn’t too surprised when I learned that the mother of two wasn’t excited about the upcoming holidays. She was in the process of mapping out a hectic-sounding Christmas day, full of extended family and in-laws. The burden of planning and executing fell on her.

Christmas gender roles were clearly defined when I was growing up. My mum did everything while dad provided the money for mum to buy us food, clothes and pay for the bus tickets to the village – an annual ritual.

Indeed behind all the celebrations that will happen this coming Monday, will be some very tired women.

Despite the advances women have made in education, shattering glass ceilings in the workforce and in politics, and gaining more economic independence in the last few years, they still do twice as much housework and child care as men. Studies confirm the same.

It doesn’t matter whether they have fulltime jobs and have carried this unequal burden year-round, Christmas reinforces the traditional gender roles sending this unequal division of labour into overdrive. Worse still, most nannies and house managers have taken a break.

Even where families gather, it is the women who wake up early to spend an entire day cooking, eventually smelling like food and sometimes finding no time to eat. Their stress levels often rise significantly during this period.

Divide the work

It gets worse for single mothers who also “overwhelmingly” bear the burden of the rising costs of living.

Dear men, beyond slaughtering the goat, kindly step up to divide the work that goes into Christmas more evenly. This year, offer to make that last minute run to the supermarket without being asked, and help get any household work completed before your guests arrive. Do not complain about food you didn’t help in making, please. Help with the dishes and allow your women to enjoy some hot meal too.

Dear women, do not let stress weigh you down, no matter how many meals you have to prepare or how many dishes you have to wash. Don’t let the pressure of others’ expectations change what you do on Monday. Keep self-care in mind and drop a ball or two if you have to. The world won’t end. Instead, other people will start picking up their share of responsibility.

Dear family members and friends, recognise how overburdened women are, and be sensitive to small things that can make a difference.

If we all, regardless of gender, recognise and pitch in to take on some work, we’ll truly have an enjoyable Christmas.

Happy holidays!