Daisy's World: Misunderstandings that can wreck relationships

I have a confession to make: I hardly remember people’s faces. If I have interviewed you and you run into me, but I seem to be ignoring you, I promise, I am not rude or snobbish. Faces take a while to register in my mind.

I have to know you (interact more than once) to remember your face. However, I am very good at remembering voices and conversations. And so while I might not remember your face, I can give you a blow by blow account of what you told me during an interview once I figure out who you are.

Anyway, after lunch earlier in the week,  I went to show Pat, my work ‘desky’, the spa shop where I got my last wax. Pat has been quite dissatisfied by her regular wax place.

It was my first time at the spa, and I enjoyed the experience because the lady who attended to me was kind, patient and very friendly.

The spa is in the same building as our staff cafeteria, so that was an easy and quick detour to make before heading back to the office after lunch. A satisfied customer is, indeed, the best advertisement.

Also read: Relationship breakers you could try to avoid

We got to the place and just when I needed it the most, my memory failed me. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember the face of the lady who attended to me – she had been so nice to me and I had already decided she would be my regular waxing person.

If you’ve been to a spa, you are familiar with the arrangement – clients getting manicures and pedicures at different work-spots, soft music, extreme neatness… so this was the space I stepped into, all eyes on me, and Pat on my toes.

I looked around for a while trying to figure out if the nice lady was one of the ladies attending to clients. I couldn’t find her face. My journalist instinct kicked in. And I decided to approach one of the ladies who was dressed like staff and ask her where Wanja was. And guess what? It was Wanja I asked! I was so embarrassed. I know faces take a while to register in my brain, I just didn’t realise it was that bad.

Luckily for me, the good natured lady laughed it off, making the situation less awkward. I introduced my friend and we had a little chitchat about what oil I should get before Pat and I left with a genuine parting promise to come back.

I learned an important lesson from this encounter. That sometimes people make genuine mistakes and we carry unnecessary hurt, and destroy otherwise good relationships for no reason. That friend from university you think saw you in town and ignored you?

There is a fairly good chance they did not see you. Maybe they were thinking about a deadline they have missed at work, maybe they were distracted by worrying about a client who just fell through… it could be anything. But because we are self-centred and only seeing things from our perspective, we make unnecessary judgements about others.

Emotional maturity

It is a good reminder about why we should be non-judgemental of others. Being less absorbed in our views demonstrates our emotional maturity, and moves us away from self-centredness, which can damage relationships with colleagues, bosses, friends and siblings.

For example, if Wanja had been offended and less receptive to me for not remembering her, she would have been justified. However, her ability to make the issue not just about one view point (which says one should remember the people they meet) saved the day and I have even stronger reasons to keep patronizing her business.

Being non-judgemental shifts focus from seeing things from only an ‘I’ point of view, which can be limiting, to broadening our vision to a diverse point of view.

Acknowledging that our bosses come from different religious, cultural and social backgrounds, for example, can be the beginning of building a workplace that is healthy and respectful for both parties because it will no longer only be about you.

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