A jobseeker addressed my friend as 'mamaa', a term guys use on 'hot' girls

My friend, Susan, showed me a message she received from someone who was hopeful that she would hire her for a gig.

This person—who has never met Susan before and was contacting her for work-related stuff—referred to Susan as mamaa. Basically, something like: “Good evening, mamaa, would you like my services?” 

Audacity!

In ‘Kenyanese’, mamaa (please take note of the spelling) means something like pretty or beautiful girl. Many times when a guy uses it to refer to a girl he is eyeing, it means he finds her 'hot'.

For context, Susan is a senior professional, aged 51 (I have her permission to reveal her age, I promise), and with a brood of adult children. We have been friends for about four years now. We met in the course of work, and as they say, the rest is history.

A little backstory.

I am a lastborn, and so I was surrounded by older people most of the time. I guess that is where my early lessons of how to relate with older people came from. As a practising Christian, respect is high in my life’s value system.

There is also the fact that I am a journalist, which means I regularly interact with all calibres of people. And to navigate successfully, respect remains the watchword. That is why it has been easy for Susan and me to remain friends, even with a significant age difference between us. 

We have had friction here and there, like when she refuses to take videos of her food and everything around her and send them to me.

She still doesn’t understand why she needs to take videos of herself cutting onions, and I don’t understand why it doesn’t bother her that a whole day can go by without her taking any videos!

Personal boundaries

Well, I have learned to respectfully locate our friendship in the extensive breadth of her corporate accomplishments and life experiences. I have also learned to respect her boundaries, personal or otherwise.

And to appreciate that when she says she is going to Canada, that is enough update. I should not expect to see videos of her mid-air. I also have to make do with chats made up of just words, even though she has an iPhone that can deliver much more than text. 

Now, with this background in mind, imagine my shock when she showed me a message from someone I suspect is my age or younger, referring to her as mamaa.

Susan told me that in one of the WhatsApp groups she is in, someone posted that they revamp CVs for people at a fee. The Spirit-filled Christian that Susan is felt moved to ‘contract’ them to do some work on her CV, and pay them.

“I wanted to support the side hustle,” Susan said, clearly sensing my next question – what gave her the confidence that the person had the skills to do what they promised?

Long story short, the possibility of engagement for the service ended even before it started.

I do not know what your personal boundaries look like. I know there are people who will not bat an eyelid before they call someone they have met for exactly five minutes 'darling'. And maybe you mean no harm, right? In the same way, there are people who enjoy hugging total strangers. 

By all means, live your life. However, it is also important to remember that in the equation, you are not the only person who has a right to preferences, and who is keen on expressing such preferences.

You are free to like calling people darling and mean no harm, the same way other people are free to mentally dismiss strangers who call them darling because they find it uncomfortable.

Here is the thing, when you are meeting someone for the first time (online or in-person), and the common interest is work, using an amiable tone without undue affectation is a safe ground to stand upon.

Use standard words you’d use in a formal environment when engaging someone about work. Especially if this is somebody you have not interacted with much. That’s common sense, no?

The writer is the research and impact editor at NMG ([email protected]).