Yes, I am a proud feminist

Feminism. This is probably one of the most misunderstood, misused, and overused word in conversations about gender issues.

The Oxford dictionary defines feminism as "the belief and aim that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men."

Stereotypes rule

However, a random search on social media platforms will give you dozens of derogatory and skewed meanings. The grammar around the word has been reduced to the idea that feminism is a fight for women's power to deprive men of it and is often used as a label on strong and ambitious women.

Women who publicly brand themselves as feminists are given a tagline, "forceful, angry and man-hating."

While a vast majority of Kenyans believe in equality for women in various aspects of their lives, stereotypes and misconceptions have seen many refuse to wear the cap of feminism.

"I work as a community paralegal and my work involves championing for the rights of women and empowering them in matters law. Do I brand myself as a feminist? No. I find it a controversial subject that I don't want to be part of. I prefer going with the term Champion," Elias Karanja from Murang'a tells me.

Although there's no data on feminism in Kenya, the dissent is global. For instance, while feminist movements have attracted attention in recent years, a gender issues poll conducted in UK and US in 2015 shows that only one in five young women would call themselves feminists. 

Feminism in Kenya is mostly associated with individuals running activism organisations and others with ulterior motives. But, how does this look like from the perspective of an individual who's not afraid to be linked to the movement?

"I identify with the struggle"

Ochola K'omuono, 28, High School Teacher

K’omuono is passionate about Education as a tool of change in society, SRHR Advocacy and Governance. He's in a relationship

"I define feminism as giving women the necessary space, support, and opportunities in a quest to improve their living standards and status in the society. A community that has embraced feminism is one that allows women to explore their potential without making it look like it's a gender war of women trying to outshine men. Because feminism is beautiful. In author Chimamanda's words, "We should all be feminists."

In my second year at the university, I used to interact with many campus leaders who were passionate about women and girls' rights. That's how I got assimilated. It's a journey I have enjoyed, learnt, and unlearnt.

But, it has not always been a smooth road. As a man, I have found myself in situations where I have been teased for identifying with the movement because it is a tag I wear unapologetically. Most of the teasers I figure lack knowledge and information about feminism. 

Through my interactions with people who are anti-feminist, I have observed that the hatred is drawn from a point of believing that feminism is all about making the girl child better than the boy child, an anti-masculinity ideology. Narratives such as girls are being "over empowered" have been passed around.

I don't see it as such. I think what we are seeing is just women rising to take spaces that they deserve, opportunities that they ought to have enjoyed since time immemorial, and being what they ought to be not what society wants them to be. 

There are many women who have been forced to carry the burden of broken marriages because of their feminist tag. I think that a marriage or relationship that breaks because the woman is a feminist is a clear indication that from the start, the man still believed that a woman has no rights, voice and that she belongs to the kitchen. 

Riddle me: How do I explain that I am breaking my partner just because my girlfriend is asking to be who she is supposed to be?" 

"I have faced ridicule from surprising women"

Elias Mwangi, 28, Entrepreneur, is a father of one 

"Feminism, in my view, is the championing for decent living standards for anyone identifying as female, regardless of age, gender, colour, or social status. It is the push for equality and equity in the treatment of women in all aspects of their lives.

I come from a largely matriarchal family. So I grew up watching my mother raise us singlehandedly, further her education, and amass assets, and transition through various seasons of life. Although she passed on a while back, she planted in me a seed of feminism which I became conscious of while in secondary school and later accepted while in college.

As a man, it often comes off as a joke among my peers when I say that I am a feminist. Strangely, the biggest ridicule comes from women. I was recently talked down and lectured on how to support women which came out as misandry.

In most cases, male feminists, don't come out as activists because they're treated as punching bags. In my case, for instance, I have more than five incidences where women lashed at me, heaping blame for any and all atrocities engineered by men against women.

It is disheartening that male feminists and allies are low-hanging fruits, piñatas of sorts for anger, hurt and triggered women. This makes them lose a good deal of support.

We were born of and raised by women too. So, we are well aware of their issues. That is why I get concerned seeing "slay queens" glorifying their lifestyles of men taking care of their bills because it dents the much work that has been done and is being done to raise women from objectification.

Nowadays, it is hard to use the tag "feminist" in conservative settings. This is because of the stereotypes that entangle the word. I have heard that feminists don't support marriage, hate men, are lesbians, and are paid for their 'male-hate' by western donors and even a laughable one, that they are atheists.

Another concern is that feminists are taking over and boy child is being forgotten which I tend to agree with. There is a prioritisation of one gender over the other.

For instance, there have been active campaigns to ensure that as many girls as possible get into college, access financial services and career growth. This has given rise to many female graduates in jobs, businesses, and even to women moguls. A success. A re-evaluation of the laws and policies, though, should be carried out to bring the two genders to the table.

From where I stand, an ideal society is one comprising of men and women with freedom of choice in career, education, family size, investment. Also, boys and girls being brought up to pick hobbies and talents based on their preferences and predispositions, irrespective of their genders."

"I come from a patriarchal society"

Ahmednoor Bashir Haji, 22, journalist

Haji sits in the UN Youth Association of Kenya as the Coordinator and previously served as Sustainable Development Goals Advocate for the UN Sustainable Development Solution Network Global schools program

"My understanding of a feminist is a person who believes that both male and female of all diversities deserve equal opportunities and rights. Picture this, "a community where it's safe for a girl or boy to speak about their abusers without them being shamed and are served the same rights."

Feminism is close to my heart as I come from a very patriarchal community. I like saying that I was born a feminist because there was no particular time I can say I became a feminist. The injustices, inequalities I saw happening to girls and women in my community are what made me come out of the closet and identify myself as a feminist.

However, I have been mocked multiple times online and offline for admitting that I am a feminist. One time, I was part of a group of young men and women with whom I happened to share that I am a feminist. They all laughed and said that I am a mad man.

All the time, the young men would justify female genital mutilation, clap for victim shaming and pass sexist messages in the forum. Because of what I stand for, I would challenge them which resulted in some doubting my masculinity. One of them said, "A man who is a feminist is a simp and has been brainwashed." Others joined in to tease me that I should be checked if I'm truly a man.

This really hurt me and for one year, I had multiple episodes of anxiety and would often wonder why I was different from most men in my circles. So before I accepted who I was, I kept the talk of feminism under wraps. 

Misconceptions are rife. First of all, some quarters think that any man who comes out as a feminist is homosexual. The reason being that traditional masculinity has been rooted in oppressing girls and women by treating them as inferior human beings. The other misconception is that feminism is a competition between men and women and that women want to take the place of men. Also, they hate men and marriage.

I think that is why we hear the statements "boy child has been abandoned". If you ask me, women have been so behind and the advocacy for girls and women is about enlightening them about opportunities that have so long been identified with men." 

"People got surprised that I got pregnant despite being a feminist"

Ivy Namulindwa, 26, Digital Strategist, Married and a mother of one 

"I define feminism as the belief in the social, economic, and political equity of the sexes. I like to use the term "equity" because we cannot all be equal but with equity, one gets what they require from society. A feminist is one who supports this train of thought.

I come from a family with two boys and being the only girl, I used to hear things like, "you cannot do this because you are a girl." After learning about women like Wangari Mathai and Mekatilili that is when I started to understand that there's a term for it- feminism.

I have this term on my Twitter bio and when I posted some months back that I was pregnant, messages started pouring in. As I was going through them, I came across this comment, "Aiya, how does a feminist get pregnant?" 

It was a "whoa, hold on a minute" kind of moment because I found the question absurd because there's no aspect of feminism that says you cannot get married or have children. So instead of engaging him in a war of words, I made a joke out of it and said that Jesus did it again. 

When I speak out on women's issues, I get comments like, "leave her, she's just a feminist." Not that it bothers me only that I wish it came from a point of knowledge, not ignorance and misconstrued perceptions. Some of the misconceptions I have heard is that feminism is about hating on men, they don't care about the boy child, they're anti-marriage, and that we want to be like men which is untrue. Most of these things are all about choices and preferences.

Talking of the boy child. Feminism is about the equity of sexes meaning everyone should be treated with decency. They are not forgotten but I think that as women, we've had to work together to empower the girl child because, for a long time, we have been disadvantaged in society. So for men, instead of mentoring the boys and creating safe spaces for boys, the focus becomes that girls are being given more attention.

Further, as a feminist and lover of both men and women, I think it's also unfair to judge someone because of their lifestyle. If someone wants to lead a life as a socialite or "slay queen" let them be because, at the end of the day, it comes down to choices. 

Another fallacy I keep hearing is that "his wife is a feminist, it couldn't work." Now, that's a complete fallacy and I don't agree with it at all. I think that many are breaking because more and more people are becoming aware of what constitutes abuse and taking control over their lives- what makes them happy and focusing on their mental health. For older generations, the proximity of a woman to a man is what made them survive. For our generation, things are different now and we are more vocal because we carry the pains of our mothers and grandmothers. And it is not just women, men too are quitting marriages and relationships that don't work for them.

To paint the image of a community that has embraced feminism, it would look like a scene from the Black Panther movie "Wakanda." It's not a competition between the sexes but working together to make things better for all of us. It's also realising that the premise men have to be the sole providers is not sustainable especially in our current economic situation. 

A great scenario would be when the man is a homemaker and the woman is the ambitious one, he will embrace his home-making prowess without thinking that he's doing a woman's job and on the flip side, the woman will break the glass ceilings without having to play small. 

Further, this would be a community that has embraced vulnerability as part of being human so that we can have more wholesome and normalise conversations on mental health."

"We also need to empower boys to deal with the strong girl"

Ann Njoroge alias Q-tee, 30s, Radio Personality (Radio Citizen)

Ann loves football and is a diehard Manchester United Fan. She is single 

"I am a firm believer that if you want to see change, then you should be the change. When it comes to feminism, different people have a diverse understanding of it, and most times, I feel like people take the word out of context.

For me, feminism is wanting equality at all levels for everyone. As a girl child representative, I believe that I represent what most ladies wouldn't want to express openly. I speak out without fear of judgment. Some of these things come with age, experience, and or being brought up in a household that advocated for equality. 

Even without introducing myself as a feminist, a tag that I don't use often because of the disparaging that comes with it, many tell me that I am one. Like there was this time we were discussing gender issues with some acquaintances and I said that no woman should be pressurised to marry, have children or stay at home. "You are a feminist!" one tore me down. 

When I speak, I come out as strong, aggressive, opinionated and I express myself freely. I strongly believe that a woman should be able to know herself, instead of letting others define her or getting caged in the society dictated box. This intimidates many people especially men and even before I can speak, I am labeled a feminist. 

I am in an industry where as a woman, I have to work twice as hard. I do it for myself because I love what I do but while some see it as a source of inspiration, there are others who call it a competition.

You see, over the years, "boy child" was society's pearl because he was regarded as the head of the family, provider, and protector. As generations continue to evolve, we are seeing women becoming breadwinners. So, our attention has shifted to women which have heightened the backlash on feminism. "How will the men know how to deal with an empowered woman?" That is why we all need to be feminists and empower both men and women.

A community that has embraced feminism is one respects people, their opinions, and their choice of lifestyle. Because I am a woman, I will also add that women need to know themselves. Besides being a mother, wife, sister, and a career woman, what else defines you?"

History is important to the future of feminism 

Arguably, the gender equality discourse has opened up dialogues of inclusion and diversity today. But without concretely rooting our understanding of and experience with feminism in the not-too-distant past, we may fail to see what exactlyfeminism has done for us and our peers. In fact, one of the most common anti-feminist contentions runs along the lines of: "I don't need feminism because women are already equal."

History of feminism

Scholars have divided the movement into three phases. The first wave of feminism happened in the 19th and 20th centuries and was mainly concerned with women's right to vote. Then, women were confined to their homes as a symbol of professional success and status to their partners. Outraged by the situation, the suffrage movement was born. They not only fought for the right to vote but also the universality of democratic and liberal values. It is believed that the movement started in the Western world then found its way to Africa. 

The second wave, beginning in the 1960s, had some men and women campaigning for legal and social rights for women. It is during this era that backlash against feminism became heightened. Media for instance created a narrative that treated feminism as a movement of the past rather than a still evolving force. Also, a narrative that feminists want to control the world and put men down; that men will eventually lose out of power, influence, and authority was widely spread.

In court, anti- feminists' groups protested the decision by a US Supreme Court that allowed pregnant women to decide for themselves whether they wanted to make an abortion or not. Decades later, this is still one of the subjects that continues to elicit mixed reactions.

The third wave is on the continuation of, and a reaction to the perceived failures of second-wave feminism, beginning in the 1990s. This era was also one of sexual liberation. Reports show that from the mid-90s to early 2000s, the real impact of backlash was felt and the support for gender equality stalled, even reversed. As recent as 2014, there was a social media backlash against feminism dubbed "Women against feminism".

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