Why does my pregnant wife deny me conjugal rights?

My wife is pregnant and denies me sex. Do you think the pregnancy is the cause and what should I do? 

Tanko

READERS ADVICE

Women behave differently when they are expectant. It depends on their body hormones. Some crave intimacy while others are put off completely. Understand her and bear with the situation, as it is for a while.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

It is very common for pregnant mothers to hate their partners; even when deep down they know they are being unfair.  Often women are bewildered by their own anger levels. One thing you can do even before the baby is down is to seek to be a calming influence on your partner. Research shows that babies in the womb are affected by a stressed mother. If a mother suffers extensive stress and anxiety during pregnancy her cortisol levels (cortisol is a hormone produced to deal with stress) will eventually begin to affect the unborn child, which can then display higher levels of anxiety after birth, even well into childhood.

So forget about sex for now.

Amina

It is a time for you to put the baby’s needs first. Whether you have sex or not, you are going to be a father, and being a good father to this child is not a question of being fair, or of you getting your rights, it is about what is best for this child.

Mickson

Each pregnancy is different and your wife might never feel this way again. This wave of ‘husband hating’ is typically worst when the mother is dealing with morning sickness – which usually occurs in the first and third trimesters. Stay calm and all will come to pass. After all, you are in the process of creating a human being. 

James

Your wife is probably observing herself and wondering what demon has taken over her mind. She might be terrified that she is ruining your marriage. And she might be so embarrassed by her actions of recoiling from your advances that she can’t ask for help. Read with her some articles on the topic as it will explain what’s happening and perhaps give you some peace of mind. Knowing that it’s hormonal and temporary will perhaps make this all easier to deal with. The worst-case scenario is her being like this for the entire nine months. However, in most cases, it doesn’t last longer than two. You could also just avoid her as much as possible and focus on other ways of preparing for the baby. Having your feelings hurt and being rejected by your spouse is not fun, even when you do know it’s temporary.

Christine

EXPERT’S TAKE

While expectant some women’s hormones can make them repel a man while others will see them get more attracted to a partner. These scenarios are common. Your wife is going through a process that as a man you will never experience so it is best to try and understand her condition and the reactions that come with it. I would highly recommend you take an interest in finding out from her what she is going through. She may crave certain things while rejecting others during this period. 

Try and imagine how irritating you would feel if someone pressed you to yield to their demands while not in the mood. When she is ready she will let you know so for now give her time and support. After all, the same conjugal rights you speak of created her condition.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

My name is Sam. I'm 30 years old. Around March 2021, I contracted Gonorrhea. I haven't seen a doctor ever since because I am embarrassed to reveal my problem to them.

Sometimes, I feel so much pain in my urethra.  I have slept with two ladies ever since I contracted the infection and in the process of the coitus, they both revealed to me that they felt some strange pain in the womb.

I have a wife, and since then, I have never slept with her without protection for I don't want her to suspect that sometimes I am unfaithful. I love her so much but I am so embarrassed to see a doctor for medication.

My wife misses it raw. I once talked to a herbalist who gave me some herbal remedies, but I suspect, the infection has not disappeared totally.

If I can get over my situation, I promise not to engage in sexual pleasures with the daughters of Jezebel other than my wife.

Your advice will be of great significance. Thank you in advance.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

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