Why am I only attracted to older women?

I am a 24-year-old man.  I have realised that whenever I consider dating, I go for women who are more than 30 years. Do you think that this is a problem? If it is, what should I do?

Rueben 

READER’S ADVICE

Some psychologists opine that we are often attracted to people with the same personalities and physique as our parents.  If you have a great relationship with them, it is very possible that you are instinctively seeking the same kind of love and positive vibes. You are doing find Reuben.  I’d say that you learn something from the French President Emmanuel Macron.  At 44, he is 24 years younger than his wife, Brigitte Macron.

Zack Omoro-Kitengela

What is attracting you to older women? Is it their character, appearance or your inner feelings? In my opinion, this is a problem. Biologically, women mature faster than men. As such, I’d advise that you marry a younger woman. Notably, some women lose interest in sex when they reach menopausal stage due to the loss of estrogen and testosterone. If the man is still sexually active, this might result to infidelity. To avoid this, go for someone who is younger or your age mate.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale

Growing up, how was your relationship with your mother? Start from there. Maybe you are subconsciously looking for your mother in older women and you don't know.

Stephen Munderu 

It is normal to get attracted to an attractive person regardless of age, size or social class. Don’t beat yourself too hard about this.

Cyrus Mutisya

EXPERT’S TAKE

The reason for your question is based on an age old social tradition that spells out that a man should date a female younger than themselves. Traditions aside, if you find yourself drawn to older women then that is your preference. It is only a problem if you are bothered by what people or rather what society will say. You will not please everyone regardless of the age group you choose. What you need to do is establish what makes you happy and explore those avenues. You cannot control who you are attracted to but you can deny yourself that possibility if you let yourself be bothered by what other people are saying. Tell you what, the world we live in is ever evolving and societal expectations are progressively changing. The pandemic taught us that you need to go for what you strive and let go of the unnecessary noise. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

My name is Jibeen from South Sudan. I met my partner when she was still at the senior school. After three years of our relationship, she started conditioning me to have unprotected sex with her to demonstrate that I love her. One day we had unprotected sex and the following day she informed me that she could be pregnant because she was on ovulation days or fertile window when we had sex.

Immediately, I rushed to the pharmacy and bought for her P2 pills, but to my surprise she refused to take the pills even after I incessantly begged her to.

A month later, a doctor’s test confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. I requested that she gets rid of the baby since I was not ready to start a family with her. Furthermore, she was still a student.

Out of my family pressure, I took up the responsibility of taking care of her and supported her University education in Nairobi. I spent I lot of money on school fees and rent.  On completion of her studies, she turned down my request to stay back at home and joined me here in Nairobi.  We have been fighting over trivial things—I realised that I didn’t have feelings for her. After a while, she wanted to have another child. I tried to avoid sleeping with her but I didn’t succeed so I will soon be a father again.

Now I feel cheated by having two children with her.  I believe starting a family needs two people to be on the same page but we are not. This was her decision as we did not discuss or agree on the matter and she is just stringing me into it.  I am stressed and I feel that I am not in a balanced relationship. What do I do?

Jibeen

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