The types of men who 'seem' great, but make you miserable
The types of men who 'seem' great, but make you miserable.
What you need to know:
- If you ever start to date a guy who fits one of the descriptions below, be very very wary: these guys will not make you happy.
Recently, my girls and I gathered at a friend's 40th birthday party, when the conversation drifted to men we wished we had avoided as we dated.
Three of my friends pointed out that, if a man is clingy, controlling, and suffocating, that's the man you should run away from.
"Don't ever date a man who is looking for a mother substitute instead of a partner to share life with," one woman declared.
So are there partners who are a no-no? Apparently, yes. Dedan Ondiege, a counselling psychologist says that there are certain partners one should avoid if you want a stable and sane union.
"Some women have been disappointed by men they thought were soul mates but who ended up being toxic and emotionally destructive to them," the life coach says.
Four women share the type of men who they wish they never paid attention to.
Constantly communicating with an ex
Michelle Pearl, 28, writer
Michelle Pearl, 28, a writer, felt degraded when she realised her boyfriend was in constant communication with his ex. Photo | Pool
At the beginning of her one-year relationship, Michelle thought she had met the man of her dreams, only to realise that her partner was still attached to his ex.
"We started dating in 2018. He was a dream. One day, he told me that he was traveling for a business trip abroad and I was so excited for him. We were in constant communication via video call but after his trip, I found booking tickets and realised that he was actually accompanied by his ex-girlfriend. At first, I thought 'this can't be true, I mean, we talked on video calls every single day on your trip, you sent me photos, so you mean she was the one taking these photos?' I was devastated," she narrates.
Michelle could not understand why she wasn't valued in the relationship despite giving her all.
"When I confronted him about the incident, he admitted that the ex-girlfriend was with him on this trip but nothing happened between them. I later realised that this trip was a vacation for them. "I fought for months and despite giving my all to salvage the relationship, I found it was not worth my peace of mind so I left. I thank God I moved on and I am enjoying singlehood,' she concludes
A man that is asking you for money
Maggy Joy, 35, A music publicist and TV host
Maggy Joy, 35, a music publicist and TV host, met with a man and all he wanted was a woman to feed, clean, and support him.
Maggy, a mother of three narrates how she was disappointed by a man who drained her financially and eventually took advantage of her kindness.
"Growing up as an orphan affected me immensely to a point I got married at 18 and got two children, but the marriage didn't work. In 2019, I met another man who was kind and loving, and I fell in love with him so deeply that I could sacrifice anything for him.
Day After day, he brought in stories that needed financial support. I financed many of his dubious business deals. He would invite his friends to my house and I would feed them as I also accommodated him in my house and I would cater for all the bills. This man was selfish and all he needed was a woman to feed, clean, and support him. I had to run for my life and since then, I would never want to be in another draining relationship. I thank God for Bishop who walked with me in my healing process especially after having a child with this man. I had to come to terms with that I am now a mother of three. I now see life differently and celebrate every moment as a single woman," she concludes.
He is not ready for commitment
Mumbi Wanjiru, 35, business lady
Mumbi Wanjiru, 35, business lady says that, lack of preparedness ruined her relationship.
"At 18, I was already a wife to my partner who was 24. Life was not easy because we lacked an understanding of how to deal with conflicts and tough situations in marriage. We also faced the pressure of paying bills, achieving targets and goals in our life. This brought in so much tension and fights that could have been handled if we were mature enough. These run-ins made me doubt my self-worth.
At some point, I wondered, 'is this what marriage entails?' I was broken and at some point became suicidal. By God's grace, I was able to reflect on my life and broke off the union. Maturity, which comes with age and experience is very important for a healthy relationship," Mumbi says.
The self-absorbed man
Joyce Mwatia, in her 30s, businesswoman
For Joyce Mwatia, in her 30s, she says one should avoid a self-obsessed man.
Joyce narrates how he confused a narcissist for a good catch because the man was enlivening. But, later the man became manipulative, controlling, violent, and unfaithful.
"He was extremely attractive, charming, and spontaneous. However, things changed when I got into the relationship, and the man became very controlling and always wanted things to go his way. Too often, he denied his mistakes, cruelties, and shortcomings. He would project his faults on me and it was very hurting to always get blamed. Often, he used silence to make me apologise or make me feel guilty and this left me helpless. Anytime I disagreed with him, the man would beat me. My esteem was affected and I couldn't stand it anymore. After soul searching, I ended the relationship and since then it has not been easy. I didn't go for counseling as I thought, I was strong enough to deal with the pain. Now, I have self-doubt and trust issues in relationships, but things will get better with time," Joyce says.
For feedback to the editor email [email protected]
