What you need to know:
- One time, my sister’s husband was tightly hugging a woman I had heard them fight about, and another time, it was an overture kiss with one of his employees
I have caught my sister's husband in two compromising situations. One time, he was tightly hugging a woman I had heard them fight about, and another time, it was an overture kiss with one of his employees. I haven't told my sister about it because I don't want to be part of their differences. However, I am feeling guilty. If you were in my position, what would you do?
As you have rightly put it, you don't want to be part of their differences. They may have had their fights over the other woman but still remain a couple. Keep your peace and your silence. Have you heard of open marriages?
Even as you say that you don't want to be part of your sister's differences, think of her future. What if she contracts STDs? How guilty will you be? You will feel worse. It is not hearsay, you caught her husband as you say. Had it been a story you were told it would be a different case. Had it been me, I would save my sister from more severe damage.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Your sister has seen all the red flags in her husband but has chosen to stay put maybe to save her marriage. You have an uphill task in front of you because any decision you make has its consequences. If you choose to keep your distance from their affairs, your sister is going to be exposed to diseases such as HIV and you will regret not being your 'sister's keeper.' If you choose the latter, you may witness your sister's union crumble.
To save the situation, you must be courageous and take the bull by its horn -tell her what you saw! And let her make an informed decision. Good luck!
Cyrus Bonyinyo, Girango
They say the truth will set you free but in this case, you are better off minding your own business. It may feel like the appropriate action to take but there is a chance that even after you share what you have witnessed and you cause a further rift between them, once they reconcile considering they have already fought over one of the women then you will become the enemy or it will kill your relationship with your sister. Your sister is on the know. She is aware of what her husband gets up to without you disclosing more unwelcome news. It is usually a terrible idea to come between two people who share a bed and history. The disorder may be part of their relationship bond and here you are playing the moral police. I would stay clear of their affairs.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I have been married for the last six years, and we have two kids. My husband doesn't respect me at all. We have worked together and moved from renting to buying land, to building our home and rental houses and we recently bought a car. We are not struggling at the moment. What surprised me recently is that he started abusing me even in public, saying how I don't mean anything to him and that he can live his life without me. He no longer eats food at home, complains about everything, is tough, and does not listen to me as he wants to do things his way. The worst part is that he doesn't allow me to go anywhere even if I ask for permission. We run an electrical shop and he uses workers to spy on me and tells them I'm not supposed to go anywhere. He even stopped me from going to church. He is a non-practicing Moslem, and while I was ready to convert, he never took me to the mosque. My kids have grown with no religion since he doesn't allow me to go to church. What disturbs me further is that he comes home late drunk and starts quarreling me in front of our children. My five-year-old daughter told me to leave and go back to my dad's place after he slapped me in her presence. He cut all my networks because despite me holding a diploma in architecture, I don't know where to start. We are not legally married. Please advise me.
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