Sex gurus tips for keeping the fire alive in 'rough' holiday season

The problem with sex is not that people do not always have it, no, it happens but sometimes without much thought and planning. In fact, I have heard people say that it is most pleasurable when unplanned! Festive seasons such as Christmas and New Year are known to be a great risk for unplanned sexual adventures. The result is a myriad of problems resulting from sexual misadventures, some of which may change the course of your life forever. 

I met Andrew last December. For some reason, he forgot to use condoms after he took one too many. His year did not end well. He developed pain on passing urine and a urethral discharge a day after. 

"Things went wrong after I got tipsy," he says, "I had unsafe sex with a stranger, I am lucky I did not get HIV." 

Unplanned pregnancies are similarly common during the festive season. Health statistics show that botched abortions are likely to happen a few weeks after the festive season. 

"I realised that schools were opening in a week and yet my periods had not come," says Betty, a college student, "I ended up aborting in a backstreet clinic with complications which kept me out of school for a year." 

Betty added to the grim statistics of unsafe abortions in Kenya. It is estimated that half a million pregnancies are terminated in Kenya annually. Most of these abortions are done by unqualified people in unhygienic conditions. It is estimated that over 2000 Kenyan women die every year from unsafe abortions. Over 20,000 women face a similar fate as Betty, escaping death but getting admitted with injuries ranging from organ injuries to bleeding, acute infection, and even infertility.

In case you get an unwanted pregnancy during this festive season, do not rush to the quack, go to a reputable registered health facility. Trained health professionals will provide you with counseling and safe and legal ways of dealing with the pregnancy. 

But better still, if you happen to have unplanned sex and you are not on a regular contraceptive, get the popular morning-after pill from the nearest clinic or pharmacy. The pill can be used for up to five days following unsafe sex but it is more effective if used as soon as possible after the sexual encounter. Remember however that the pill does not prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases and so you are still not off the hook on this front.

You may of course take HIV medicines to prevent infection after unplanned sex. Also called post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP), the use of antiviral drugs can be a saviour where the risk of infection is high following unplanned unprotected sex. PEP is especially recommended after rape. There has been a big debate on whether PEP should be made available after consensual sex. You may wonder why there should be a debate of such nature since this is a life-saving intervention but the fact is that some people have previously had unprotected sex and rushed to their doctors for PEP when they would have used better and more efficacious methods such as condoms to prevent getting infected. All the same, should you find yourself at risk do not shy away, visit your doctor for PEP for a stitch in time saves nine. 

On a more positive note, many people use the festive season to enhance family bonding. The year has been hectic with Covid-19 issues, economic problems, and social disruptions caused by curfews and lockdowns. Research shows that mental health has suffered a great deal as families’ deal with all these stresses. Many couples are emotionally disconnected as a result. You can use this festive season to be together more as a family, communicate better, and attend to each other's needs. Hopefully, this leads to the re-creation of emotional connection and more pleasurable and frequent sex, something that has greatly suffered during Covid time.

If you have had frequent and unusual conflicts in the recent past, possibly fueled by the pandemic, the festive season presents an opportunity to reconcile. Spare time to address the disagreement. Some couples may also have grown distant, so aim to spend time with each other and undertake sensual activities during this season. 

For some their marriage has become sexless. For this seek professional help; a sexologist may be what you need. Aim to start the New Year re-energized and strong with a will to survive. Do not forget to resolve to have a better sexual life in the new year; and yes, be sure to get treated for any sexual problems and dysfunctions you may have faced in 2021. 

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