My girlfriend is toxic and almost killed me with a knife, should I end things?

I have been in a relationship for two years now. We always have conflicts and they always end up in bitter quarrels. This girl is very toxic and dramatic. She once almost killed me with a knife. I have tried everything for this relationship to work but it’s not panning out as expected. I feel like I have given up on this whole thing and it should come to end. Advise me, please. 

John

READERS ADVICE

I must say you are courageous for taking this step in your relationship. In a healthy relationship, there should be mutual affection as well as understanding. This develops trust between the two of you. Furthermore, your love will continue to grow and glow. The unfortunate thing is that your partner is toxic. At this stage, you should be very cautious.  Ask yourself the below for clarity. Does she empathise with you when she hurts you? Does she take time to resolve issues with you and talk about preventing conflict? How does she behave around your friends and family? Is there anything you would have done to agitate her? Have you tried to talk about the issue and work on it together so that the situation does not repeats itself? What makes you feel attached to her given her current attitude? Are your life goals and purpose similar?  Do you see a future with her? What are your current mental states? Is it healthy? Have the two of tried to visit a counselor?

Has any of you been through past traumatic events? Have you tried to share them with each other?

I hope these questions will help you evaluate your relationship and make the best choice. Take a brave step and choose what you find best fit for you.

Ana

Conflicts are part of marriage and life. Your case seems to be more of domestic violence and is likely to lead to your early demise. Take a walk and fast. 

Drive Counseling Centre, Kitengela

You've spent two years trying to have a common direction with your girlfriend in vain. Even though you have not mentioned both sides of the story, the truth is you can't change people and align them to your expectations. Having been together for two years, you already know if you can live with her weaknesses or not. You should know if you want to keep the relationship or terminate it. But whatever decision you make, try to have a talk with her and get to understand her expectations. Her being too rigid should also be a consideration. 

Juma Felix

Am really surprised to see you avidly trying to resuscitate a relationship that has already collapsed. You are placing your life in jeopardy by staying with someone who has made an attempt on your life. I don't see the point of you staying because you may end up suffocating and unhappy in the relationship. It's best everyone goes his/her separate ways. You have already made a great choice so move on.

Mamili Austin

You have a death wish, and it is sad you are craving it from the unwarranted claims of love. You have been loyal for two years hoping that she would change. No, she won't and probably you are the cause of the chemical imbalances leading to her tempestuous nature. Walk away from the deadly relationship or else you will be dead in the next couple of months. 

Zack Omoro

You already confessed that you have tried everything but all is in vain, what else do you need? If she can't change in the relationship, she will never change in marriage. It is better to break a relationship than to break a marriage. Don't let yourself suffer mental anguish due to toxic a relationship. It is better to be single and happy than to be in a painful relationship or marriage.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

EXPERT’S TAKE

When two people meet and decide to form a relationship there is always the chance that as the relationship progresses their compatibility or lack of, will be clear. We are taught not to give up on the relationship and that only fuels the existing toxicity. When your disagreements turn violent to near-death scenarios, that is your warning sign that that relationship has come to its end. You may still hold the titles but your harmony and feelings are no longer as they were during your courtship days. Giving up is not a failure. It just means it's time to move on. People fall in and out of love every day.  Some relationship cannot be salvaged. 

Relationship Counsellor, Maurice Matheka

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

When I met my girlfriend she was ready for me. Since I didn’t have enough money she was ready to finance me. She gave me everything I needed. Those days I was a bit busy in college and she volunteered to look for a job. I trusted her with everything. I did not see anything strange with that. Her love was far beyond any suspicion.

After some time, someone told me that she was married, so I should not focus on her. She confirmed it herself. A week later she told me that she only wanted to see if I could fight for her. That she was joking. Love is all about fun and this was not strange to me. Three months later, someone else came with the same message. This one was true because her phone was off and when I managed to talk to her she told me that she had already made the decision. This one was true. This time around she was bold enough.

In the previous engagement, I tried to fight for her and I won the battle easily. She was still on my side, that's why it was possible. This time around it was very challenging that I almost lost her. I mastered the courage since I had won her the first time round. It took some time but I won. She agreed to my request. She is back. She has assured me that everything is fine but since she came back she has changed. Her communication is low. What could be the reason? Is she just pretending to be on my side? Am I forcing her? Is it because love in the first days is exciting? Perhaps I am expecting more from her than I deserve. She might be on my side only because we are in the initial stages while she may have worked on her next move. What should I do to fully get her back? I specifically need her and not anybody else. She is so special.

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