Modern love: A declaration of love in all its forms

Simon says: “I'm currently in Kenya, but we will travel to Europe in the next few days. I am a member of a group of professional acrobats and dancers called, Zippos Circus. As acrobats, our stage name is Timbuktu Tumblers. 

I have been in the industry for the past 15 years. 

I am married to an understanding woman. In this line of work, you need an understanding spouse, because I am in Europe for 10 to 11 months each year. We are blessed with two children; a 14-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. 

As Zippo Circus, when we are away from home, we support each other. We are all family men. We had women in our group, but they bagged husbands in Europe, and hang up their circus gear. I can't blame them, though. 

As men, we are each another's accountability partners. We help each other overcome the challenges of being in a foreign land for extended periods of time. Besides, we know why we're away from home; to make a living for our folks back at home. This realisation keeps our heads tightly screwed. 

My wife and I trust one another. I think that's key for a relationship like ours. We are also faithful and honest. Without trust, even if you're handcuffed together, you can't go far. 

My family lives in Gatundu, where my parents also reside. For the past 11 years, my wife has been running a shop. Having something productive to do takes her mind off me being away. 

I miss my family. I regularly communicate with them via phone. It's what's known in Swahili as, "nusu ya kuonana". Though we miss each other, communicating via phone or video lessens the loneliness.  When I'm home, I make up for lost time by keeping fit with my children. I want them to concentrate on their books, but they can't help working out with me, and doing handstands. 

In future, I would love my family to tour Europe with me.”

Open partnerships are the real deal

Harrison Mumia, 43, Digital Marketer

“I'm for partnerships. That’s what modern love is. In this type of relationship, if you find your partner having sex with somebody else, you make a rational decision on what to do next. 

There's nothing like cheating. This person hasn't cheated on you. They've just made a choice that's different from your expectations. People are independent. You can't own another person. 

In a partnership, you can't force someone to be with you. Nobody belongs to another. You've just come together to try something, which may fly or flop. 

Partnerships are about friendship. Sex isn't the main thing in partnerships. If my partner has sex with someone else, I can't condemn her. I can decide to continue with the partnership, or end it. 

You can be in partnerships with one or more persons. Limiting oneself to one partner is signing up for a boring life.  I'm broad-minded. My sexual life is extremely exciting. Which means I have multiple sex partners. My partners have no issue with that. I'm happy. Life's good. 

I define a relationship as two or more people having something in common, or ideas they can share with each other, or experiences they hold dear that keep them together. 

As long as any two or more people are comfortable in a relationship, do not interfere with it. 

For instance, if I have a relationship with two other men, why should anyone be bothered about it? If a woman is having a relationship with two other women, it's their business. My take is, as long as a relationship isn't affecting anybody else negatively, let people be. 

I'm pro-gay and pro-lesbian. I'm not gay, but I support any relationship where all parties are flourishing.  The problem is in policing relationships. Telling people what's right and what's wrong. That's where I draw the line.

I have many friends. I have intimate relationships with some. Some are casual friends. We like each other. I don't know if they have intimate relationships with other men. 

I'm not into any long-term relationship. By the way, there's nobody in the world who's in a long-term relationship. Who says that because you exchanged vows in church yours is going to be a long-term relationship?  What's important is happiness. One should not get into a relationship with the thought that it's permanent. Be open. Let a relationship start, see how it goes, if something happens, try to resolve it. If it's not working, leave. We're being forced into relationships because society expects a woman and man to be together for better or worse. Relationships shouldn't be for better or worse, but for flourishing of both or all parties. 

I'm not married. That's a boring institution. I still wonder why people get married. I'm anti-marriage.” 

We started living together three days after meeting on Tinder

Pauline, 34, works in front office and Godfrey Mwakazi, 38 is a fitness trainer 

Pauline says: “We met in the online dating app, Tinder in 2016. We started living together three days after meeting.  My husband is a full-time personal fitness trainer, under the brand name, Mwakazi Fitness.

It was my first time on Tinder. I was largely inactive. I quietly followed what people were doing. 

Godfrey didn't know even the app existed. He was introduced to it by a friend. He didn't exactly know how it worked. 

You can say we met through trial and error. He swiped right, and I did likewise. 

I loved Godfrey's openness and his way of communication. He's not like other men who request for photos even without asking for your real name.  Godfrey knew what he wanted. There's nothing more attractive to me than a man who knows what he wants. 

Godfrey liked my personality and straightforwardness. He was patient with me. He made me feel he was the true man for me. 

We met on Wednesday on Tinder. We never exchanged digits, just greetings. On Friday, he asked for my number. I didn't give him, but asked for his instead. 

We met on Saturday. Godfrey came to my work place, a pharmaceutical company, which I'd indicated in my profile. He was armed with my picture. He knew how I looked. He patiently waited for me at the parking lot. 

When he spotted me, he came towards me laughing and inquired how my day was. I smiled and joined him. 

We had late lunch at the Impala Club, Ngong Road. Later, at 7 pm, we took a walk at Jaffrey's, Lavington. We went back to his place, and the rest is a love story that we're still penning.  On Monday, Godfrey met my elder sister. Two days later, I dared him to meet my parents. He took the challenge and faced them. It was a brief meeting, though. 

The next day, my mother requested me to invite Godfrey for dinner with them in the CBD.

The next meeting happened during Easter, in the village. We had a good time. Initially, my parents didn't ask Godfrey's intention. When we left, my mother called and requested us to visit the following week. 

It was then Godfrey laid his marriage cards on the table. He promised my parents he would bring his folks to ask for my hand in marriage. This happened in less than two months. On 12th September, 2016, he paid dowry. 

Just like any other relationship, we have ups and downs. But the way you resolve and understand the issue is what matters. 

I met Godfrey with two beautiful kids. We connected because their dad was of great help in the bonding process. There were challenging times. His children know their biological mother. You have to let them know you're not out to take their mother's place. You must also treat them lovingly. Stepmothers generally have a bad tag, and one has to tread carefully. We have fun activities together. They've accepted me as their helper and other mom. 

Online dating can be knotty, but it's real. I've met a good deal of couples who took this route, and it led them to heaven on earth. 

Caution is imperative, at all times and in all dating spheres. Freaks are all around us, even in religious circles. With that said, with patience, one can meet their life-long partner online. 

We have two YouTube channels. One's for his work, Mwakazi Fitness. The other, Mwakazi Family, is, like the name suggests, family-oriented.” 

Love meets special abilities 

Alex, 36, mechanic and Rahab Mungai, 29 

Alex and Rahab exchanged vows on Saturday, 18th February, 2017. But theirs was not your "usual" wedding. Rahab has an intellectual disability, while Alex is autistic. 

Through his widowed mother - Fidelis Mungai - Alex told me how he met the love of his life. Rahab was drawing water from a tap in Thogoto, where Alex had gone to visit his family. During my interview, Fidelis acted as an 'interpreter", as she is accustomed to the way Alex and Rahab communicate, sometimes in syllables that are barely intelligible to persons not accustomed to their "speech". But the married couple understand each other. 

Alex is the first-born in a family of four, while Rahab is a middle child. Rahab has a twin brother, but he is not intellectually-challenged.

When they went gown-shopping, Alex was asked to sit in a concealed place as Rahab tried the gown. Fidelis explained to him the reason for this tradition. The bride chose a purple-and-yellow colour scheme, and they both chose gold rings. 

The Mungais are the quintessential case of opposites attracting each other. Rahab is the voluble one, who likes laughing. Alex is quiet and reserved.

Like any couple, they do have their fights. When they fight, Rahab goes on and on about - mostly pouring it out to Fidelis - who lives with the couple. Alex is the typical African husband; when a domestic storm is raging, he does not say much, but retreats to his quiet corner - or cocoon - sometimes for days. When the storm passes, the couple are back to being their old selves again, loving each other and their children; a son, Baraka, 4 and a girl, Pendo, 2, and communicating in a "special" language that only someone who's been close to them can understand. 

Their children know that Alex and Rahab are their parents, although sometimes they refer to Fidelis as, mama. 

Rahab can handle wifely duties with ease. But she also has her quirks. Being petite, they had to make adjustments to the white gown she chose. It was sleeveless, but she said she wanted it covered because she did not want to show any skin.

Persons with special abilities have real unique abilities. Besides being a clean-freak, Alex can distinctly recall directions, places and faces, for years on end. He has extrasensory perception. If their car’s engine noise changes, even a little bit, he can pick out the barely-audible negatives vibes. 

Every husband worth his weight wants to provide for his family. Alex is no exception. He is now putting his special abilities to viable use. He works at a mechanic shop in Thogoto. This gig helps him provide for his family. 

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