I want to cheat on my husband to avenge his infidelity

Q: I have been very serious in my marriage but my husband isn’t. He has been cheating on me and his last affair left me angry. I have the urge to revenge by cheating on him. I don’t want any relationship with the other man but I just want my husband to feel what I felt. I love him and I fear following my thoughts. I feel so tempted. I feel used after being faithful for many years. What should I do? Please advise. 

A: Note that what you are feeling is okay but what is important is how you handle the issue.  Presently, you want to hurt your husband and just like you feel but this will not lessen your pain or make you feel any better. The fact that you feel used should not permit you to use someone else. You say that you still have hope that your marriage can be saved.  No marriage can be saved through revenge. While I am not suggesting that your husband’s affair is alright, it is unwise to think that your marriage can survive two affairs. Cheating on your husband could seem a great idea to you, but you should also consider whether you will be able to handle the aftermath. Additionally, It’s better not to lower yourself to the behaviour of the person who caused you so much pain however tempting it may be. It is clear that there is a communication problem in your relationship. Refusing to address the fallout from the affair; the resentment you feel, and your desire to revenge can only worsen the problem. You, therefore, need open communication with your husband and to let him know your feelings. Often, infidelity is mostly an indicator of many problems in your marriage which should be solved during your discussion.  Your husband at this point should make it clear if he is ready to stop cheating and make the marriage work. In case, he isn’t remorseful, it is advisable to reconsider staying in this marriage. You may consider visiting a counselor. Wishing you success in your marriage.