I am happily married with two children, but my problem is that I am addicted to sex. Every Saturday for the last six years I have had a new woman with me. I have over 2,000 women in my phone book and I still meet new ones at events like weddings. I have tried to stop but every time I go out on a Saturday I have to look for a new lady. Please advise how I can stop thinking about other women.
NB: I have slept with over 600 women in the last 10 years.
You need help. The fact that you have admitted that you need help is a positive step. I however have a feeling that you are still gloating over your many conquests. It will not do as there are never any medals for your kind of addiction. Wipe that smirk off your face and see a sex therapist. Your case suggests you may have physiological challenges which are now affecting your mental health and, of course, your financial health too. See a therapist now. And good luck!
Drive counselling services, Nakuru.
Dear Sir, thank you for opening up on the internal battles you are facing with sex addiction. Kindly note that this can be attributed to how you grew up. You might have had issues in your childhood like mother wounds that later made you develop a wrong coping mechanism of desiring motherly hugs or bonds you missed out on (seeking a new woman daily) or you began having sex to cope with stress thereby triggering happy hormones, which led to the addiction.
You need to visit a counsellor or therapist to walk you through personal emotional healing and help you with healthy coping mechanisms against stress and healing of your childhood wounds, if any. You will be OK once you get to the source of the problem.
Chair, Marriage Building Family
It is clear that you are competing with Solomon, and you are the one who will lose. You are sick and you need medical attention. Find spiritual help or watch your marriage crumble, and if that happens, you will be left miserable. I fear for your children. Are they really safe? Pray, my brother.
Having slept with over 600 women in the last 10 years is not a sign of prowess but a real lifestyle disease you are suffering from. If you really want to stop this sex addiction, try do the following: First, delete or if possible block all the contacts of women that you could or are likely to have sex with. Second, cut off all connections and engagements that will tempt you to have sex. These may include your close friends or relatives who you frequently discuss sexual mattress with.
Also, try as much as possible to avoid the environments where you meet the women. Make yourself busy by finding something to do especially on weekends. Most importantly, train your mind to think of other things apart from women.
If you try this, but still struggle, kindly seek counselling services from therapists. I wish you all the best.
Wafula Meshack, Storyteller, Migori
Dear Bro, It I sad to learn you have a wife but every Saturday you are out meeting new concubines. You are destroying yourself and your family. You say you are a father of two children. Let me assume one of them is a girl. How would you feel if your daughter was married to a man who sleeps around with other women like you do? Secondly, I think your real problem is lack of self-control.
Proverbs 25:28 says that a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. When you do not have self-restraint in your sexual conduct, you are like a city whose walls have been broken down. In the ancient times, cities had well-fortified walls. If the wall was broken it meant anything could get into the city.
Yours is not even addiction, it is lust. You may also be having a spirit of infidelity. I am saying this because, had it been sex addiction, it would be with your wife. You would be wanting to sleep with her again and again. But you want to do it with different women, which is alarming. I am still wondering how you are happily married as you say and hitting on different women every weekend. You need deliverance from sexual immorality.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Senior Pastor, Mitume PAG Church, Kitale
I have read your story and two things stand out for me. You say you are happily married but what you do not say is the status of your sexual attraction towards your wife. The other is that you say you are addicted to sex. If that is the case, then why is it that you are not exclusively having the sex with your wife?
Mine is not to judge but to highlight what I believe is at the core of your behaviour. In my opinion, you are not addicted to sex but driven by the thrill of having it with multiple women. Your sexual ego is fed by the chase, hence your conquests. Your craving can only be quenched by you. It needs to be a conscious decision from you. It would help if you attempted to have a conversation with your wife about inviting seductive lustful energy into your sex life. Better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
Hello, I am 32 years old. I have been dating this lady for four years now. I have been on the wrong each time, repeating the same mistakes. Now, my parents are angry and blame her for my mistakes and now say I can't marry her.
I have changed over the last few months and she has appreciated the change, but my parents’ attitude towards her remains unchanged.
They can’t understand that I was the one on the wrong from the very beginning. What shall I do now? Should I continue dating her and marry her, or should I move on?