What you need to know:
- My work involves a lot of travel and being away from home
- On a recent visit my wife informed me she had converted to Islam
- She now wants me to convert or marry another wife if I don’t
- She has denied me conjugal rights
I am in a dilemma with my current wife whom I met while on campus. We had moved in together in a rental house until we graduated in 2013. We have had some normal differences between husband and wife but now we are both stabilising financially. I work outside Nairobi while she stays in Nairobi with our daughter and son. My humanitarian work requires me to be away for five to seven weeks but I get to leave for around two weeks which I spend with her. Recently she converted to Islam without my knowledge, which I am against. She wants me to stay but we shouldn't have intimacy as her new religion (Islam) doesn't allow it since I am a non-Muslim. She calls it 'haram'. What should I do? We are both 30. What happens to my kids? She told me that I should marry another wife. Does it mean her love for me ended? Clide
Clide, your wife has stated her mind clearly. It is clear that you have lost a wife, simple! This is the fact that you should believe. Take off before embarrassment engulfs you. Stress is one of the killer diseases in men.
Accept and move on. If she ever loved you, she would not have converted to a different religion without your knowledge and consent. She has gone ahead to advise you to marry another woman, including denying you conjugal rights; what else are you waiting for? What other assurance do you need to be convinced that you two have nothing in common?
This lady left you a time ago, and at thirty you are still young, energetic, and with a bright future. You do not need all these baseless and lame excuses from her.
Let her go.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
Even though there are some couples who have successfully dealt with a long-distance relationship, your wife seems not to have been stable enough to withstand external forces. Her decision needed mutual discussion and concurrence. Even though she is telling you to stay, how can your marriage work without intimacy? It sounds strange and incredible to think of a marriage where you are just there as a father of your children but nothing more. By telling you to marry it is evident that she no longer has feelings for you. I suggest that you involve your kinsmen before making any decision.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Just look for another wife. The moment she converted to Islam that is the time you lost her. Such kind of decisions should have involved you as the husband and the man of the house. To make things worse your job is ruining things because you are away from home most of the time.