Heart Advice: I do not like the cheap engagement ring he bought me
What you need to know:
Summary:
- I got engaged recently
- I would have preferred something more special and unique
There is this issue troubling me and I don't know who else to talk to. I guess I fear harsh judgment from friends and family. I got engaged recently. The whole thing was so underwhelming. He proposed to me in his sitting room as we were watching a movie. I would have preferred something more special and unique. And then the ring...honestly, I hate it so much. It's a disgusting gold-coated ring with fake bling that looks extra cheap. It looks like he bought it off the streets or in a dingy downtown shop. I get that it's sentimental and all that, but I cannot possibly wear the hideous ring. How do I get my fiancé to buy me a better ring without sounding like a nasty spoilt brat?
READER'S ADVICE
Dear sister, how I wish your man was reading this article. You are indeed a spoilt brat and do not fear being branded as such. I would only wish to advise this young man of yours to seek love elsewhere. You seem immature and want an expensive ring for the show. What matters in life is love and not what people think, see or say about you. So many people are outside there longing for what you don't value. Some are even wishing they got 'just' a man to call their own. Wake up and see life beyond material things and public image.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
You can avoid being labeled a nasty brat by having a conversation with him. You are still in your honeymoon phase so use it to politely tell him how you feel about the whole proposal thing and the ring he gave you. He might not change the proposal venue but he can get you a desirable ring of your choice. It might just be an avenue for a forever happy marriage.
Juma Felix
This is so easy my dear, just gather some money, go to a jewelry shop, buy yourself a genuine gold ring, and marry yourself.
Some women (myself included), don't remember how we were proposed to, there wasn't an engagement ring and no wedding but the marriage is terrific. Overall, character matters more.
If you can't be okay with the little effort just let the guy go, he will find someone ready out there or else accept things as they are and work on how to make a good family.
It's good to speak out for it's your life. Let the guy put some more effort, loving someone doesn't mean you forget yourself and you are who you are. Ask him if he could get you a beautiful ring.
EXPERT TAKE
Let us assume that as you describe it the ring is hideous. The fact remains that he proposed and most likely planned it to the best of his ability. The value of the ring is not the determining factor in your union. Your true feelings are far more important. In my opinion, a woman who is truly in love would overlook that part and have the ring upgraded in her seductive clever way. In your case, you need to ask yourself if your feelings are solid enough to weather a lifetime together. An expensive proposal and ring add no value if you are in it for the convenience of being in a relationship. You cannot allow material possessions to dictate your future together. Implying the ring is cheap will not be wise. Ask yourself if marriage with him will make you happy and content.
Maurice Matheka, relationship counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend over the Christmas period due to new work pressures and the long-distance struggling through that. We'd been together for a year and a half and he ended our relationship by text. We were both at home (within two hour's travel on local public transport) when he did this so there wasn't any real excuse as to why he couldn't do it face to face. It was a serious relationship in which a long term future had been discussed. I'm so angry about how he did it. I still think about what he did almost every day. There's so much I want to say to him but I don't know where to start. I am so angry. Please help.
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