He didn’t gift me on Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t I dump him?


A bouquet of red roses on sale at Pien Flower shop in City Market, Nairobi in this picture taken on February 8, 2022.

Photo credit: File | Nation Media Group

I am a 32-year-old woman who has been waiting for a Valentine’s gift since last week. My partner did not take me out, and neither did he provide any gift. I felt so bad, seeing women around me receiving bouquets of flowers, and applying makeup to go for dinner dates. When I raised the issue, he became defensive and walked out on me. Does he really love me? Should I remain in this relationship?

While not receiving a Valentine's gift from your boyfriend can be frustrating, remember that relationships aren’t built on material things but rather on patience, understanding, and love. Express your disappointment calmly and lovingly because at the end of the day, it’s just a one-day celebration, and you shouldn’t let it ruin the relationship you’ve built over the years.

Fred Jausenge – Dubai

Your partner is deep in love with you but he is soon going to fall out of love with you due to your incessant demands and failing to understand him and his finances. At 32, you are expected to have a more mature outlook to life and not judge things based on a mere annual evening outing. Your priorities are simply different and it will be appropriate as you have suggested to take a walk out of his life for your peace and even more for the sake of this troubled, unassertive man.

Drive Counseling Centre - Nakuru

I don't know how your relationship was before Valentine’s Day. Has he been there for you? Is he in a position to do all that you said but deliberately refused? One thing I want you to understand is that your relationship will not be joyful if you keep comparing yourself to others. This relationship is not a community project; it is for the two of you. Love is not a one-day event, it is a lifetime process built on self-evaluation and personal values. Your boyfriend may be focusing on other big issues for the future of both of you. Even so, find time and talk with him to salvage your relationship.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, senior Pastor in Mitume P.A.G Church, Kitale

If you combine missing out on being treated well with flowers on a Valentine's Day and any other possible shortcomings in your relationship, you will have a reason to quit. But if the only issue is flowers and people being treated well in your circle of friends then you do not have a valid reason to end it. The comparison you made will make everything worse. So, have a proper evaluation of your relationship and ask yourself if this is the right partner for you.

Juma Felix

Giving of gifts should be spontaneous and should be present and continuous whenever need be. A year has many days so keep waiting and stay with an open mind. I believe your relationship is pegged on much more than a Valentine gift and by the way, did you gift him? I believe give and take is the way to go. Remain in the relationship, but readjust your gauge for love. Remember, love is patient, kind and doesn't keep a record of wrongs. All the best.

W Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

From the expert

In life what we want versus what we receive don’t always align. Has your partner in the past availed the Valentine's Day you wish to have? If he did, was it out of obligation or did he genuinely want to treat you to a Valentine's Day?

Men don’t just gift out of love, sometimes they do it out of obligation. It does not mean he loves you less. It means most men are not fans of the day. If things between you and your partner have been fine, then you would not be considering whether to stay in the relationship or not due to a Valentine's Day misfire. I think there is an underlying matter between you that has created a rift. You need to establish what it is in order to resolve your current relationship dilemma.

Maurice Matheka is a relationships counsellor

Next week's dilema

I travelled from Rongo to Eldoret on Friday without informing my girlfriend about this visit since I wanted to surprise her for our two years’ anniversary. I arrived with shopping in my hand and knocked at the girl's door. When she opened, a male voice in the background asked, "Babe, ni nani?” Apparently my girlfriend has been living with a man. I have made so many sacrifices to sustain our relationship. I provide her with basic needs and pay her house rent. I want to leave her but I love her so much. I'm confused and depressed, kindly help me.