Embrace the process

I shared this story and lessons, motivated by my son, at the recent Centonomy open day and I believe it will also make sense to you as a follower of this column.

I have a friend who is in the final stages of pregnancy. A few weeks ago my four-year-old son and I visited her to drop off her daughter who had spent the weekend with us. Her daughter went and rubbed her mother’s stomach and asked, “Is the baby okay?”

My son was unusually quiet on our way home. After a few minutes he asked me, “Mum, why did Aunty eat her baby?”

Being four, he couldn’t quite understand how a baby had gotten into a stomach; obviously we have not quite had the ‘birds and the bees’ conversation.

What my four-year-old son could not see is the process to a baby. This same lack of understanding of process, or acknowledgement that going through the process will stretch us, is also what keeps us in the comfort zone when it comes to many aspects of our lives… including finances. We behave as clueless as my son.

OWN THE GROWTH PROCESS

We’ve all got to own our growth process. There will be no two people who have the same story to tell, because we have different thumbprints.

You were meant to be consistently different. You have got to be willing to come out of your comfort zone and engage in your journey.

There’s an enemy to growth called ‘the same’. This revolves around the same thinking, same friends, same ideas, same habits, same lifestyle, same blame game, same income, the same way of resolving problems, same excuses and so forth.

Staying the same, whether we like it or not, will only get you more of the same and less of what you want to grow into.

You will end up with more of the same kind of debt, more conversations that have no impact, more buying of things to please other people and win their attention, more looming dread of retirement because you are just not ready to live without a full-time job, more of the same income derived from your habits, ideas and thinking, more lazy investments (i.e. investments done without an identifiable impact or result for your life), more time-wasting, which inevitably turns into money-wasting, more avoiding looking at your finances, more children and generations that have inherited ‘the same habits, behaviours and thought patterns’, more reasons to procrastinate and do it tomorrow.

The list can go on and on.

Like my son who cannot see the process of a pregnancy, we do not want to see the process of wealth; we want instant money right now. We assume that people create wealth through one-time deals and figure that at an unspecified point in time, with no action on our part, a deal will come and sort us out.

We get comfortable in what is commonly referred to as ‘the rat race’. This is a never-ending cycle where you keep working to buy more things, maintain a lifestyle, pay bills, and so on.

Because of inflation and other factors, you work harder and/or take on debt in order to afford more. Then things get even more expensive so you work harder. It’s a never-ending cycle of hand-to-mouth. Because of that cycle, you are getting less of what you truly want – money, wealth, freedom, travel, experiences, time with family, knowledge, self confidence.

You are getting more dependent on physical work to sustain you, pay bills, pay loans, etc.

We have to shake ourselves up. Don’t be deluded by the voice saying ‘let’s wait, let’s see, next time, when I have more money or time, when I get a better job, when I finish campus, when I finally buy that phone’. Let’s accept that we have to go through a process, and the earlier we do it, the better. Don’t judge yourself and others because everyone’s process is different.

Don’t try to be a square peg in a round hole as it only leads to frustration, stress, resentment, unfulfillment and very often, comparison with others. Get your hands dirty and discover what works for you.

Face your fear of starting. We are in different situations but we all have a starting point. The starting point for some may be saving, getting out of debt, investing or improving on investments, starting a business, earning an income, managing household finances, a retirement plan, an education plan or buying a house. The only way to conquer the fear of starting is to start.

Remember that the biggest thing you are conquering is not the circumstance, but your mind. It’s usually always worse off in your mind. Starting is difficult and uncomfortable at first but with practice, gets easier and it starts being part of your life. At some point you will no longer see the discomfort as sacrifice or hard work. You will get through as long as you invest in the process by doing something differently. You will grow and you will conquer. You will not be left asking, “Who ate the baby?”