I party he doesn't, are we we going to survive?

I am a 33-year old woman who has been a single mother for four years now. I recently met a man who I love, and he is also into me. The challenge is that I enjoy drinking and going out to the club, but he doesn’t. He is also a carpenter while I am an accountant at a local bank. We make roughly the same amount of money. Could these differences break our relationship?

Mandi

READER’S ADVICE

True love goes beyond looks and personal earnings or wealth. It is about mutual understanding and respect. Unless it is infatuation, I don't think those differences can ruin your relationship.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko,

Senior Pastor, Mitume P.A.G Church, Kitale

Your differences should and will not break your relationship. Open communication on various topics that can and will affect your relationship like finances, hobbies, extended family, fun, personal preferences and children should be explored with a lot of sincerity to help understand each other. Once done, concessions can be made to help grow the relationship to fruition. Consider your idea of fun – drinking and clubbing – as a mother and future wife. This to me could be a potential turn off and possible bad parenting. All the best.

Tambach Eito, College Principal

Maybe you aren’t ready for marriage if you still want to be out clubbing. I know money is important for a good life and it's good to have a high paying job but in reality you are never going to earn similar amounts because salaries differ in all professions. And it really doesn't matter who earns more. Do you feel comfortable with the person and do you want to be with him? Do you love him? Does he make you happy? Does he challenge you? Does he make your life exciting? Does he respect and treat you well? Notice how none of these questions have anything to do with income and yet they are crucial parts of any relationship. Best wishes!

Fred Jausenge – Dubai

For a relationship to work what matters is not the types of jobs or the earnings, but tolerance and accommodation for each other's differences. But there's no way you'll go clubbing and leave your husband at home. You may lack moral authority over your child as they grow into teenage. Some behaviours can be learnt. Learn skills like housekeeping, helping your child with homework plus compromising the habits that may court conflicts and suspicions. At 33, you aren't a young adult any more.

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

From your narrative, there is every indication that you two are incompatible and the relationship, if taken to the next level, is bound to be tumultuous. Sorry, but it might better for both of you to separate.

Drive Counseling Centre- Nakuru

EXPERT OPINION

Courtship period is the time to establish whether you are compatible especially when it comes to the social elements that you are used to. In your case, one of you will have to sacrifice to suit the other. The issue with sacrifice is that at some point you sell your soul to please another, which dents your persona over time. It eventually leads to resentment. In my opinion, totally modifying yourself to make a relationship work is not worth the effort. Consciously you may think it is the right thing to do but in the long run it will be the one thing that collapses your relationship.

Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My husband constantly avoids the meals I prepare and only enjoys what his cousin cooks. We have been married for 14 years and we have been staying with his cousin for the past five years. In the earlier years of our marriage, we used to create stories together and enjoy outings, but it seems we’ve drifted apart. How can I rekindle the love and closeness we once shared?

Kamene