Confession: I'm falling in love with a coworker but I'm married with children

Question: Hello Aunt. I have a wife with one child and we are expecting another one in five months’ time. My marriage has been having issues from the beginning.

We even broke up before we got married. But after the intervention of friends and family, we got married. There are a lot of issues surrounding my marriage which leave me wounded.

I have a colleague in my workplace with whom I am falling in love. We first met for a drink and, felt so connected. We have been doing this for two months now and it’s magical.

I get myself opening up to her. I am really confused about what to do. Should I follow my heart and marry my coworker or live with my family and remain unhappy? 

Answer

You are in the middle of two women here; your pregnant wife with whom you share a child and a co-worker.  Your relationship with your wife paints a picture of one lacking foundation going since you had a break-up before marriage.

That said it looks like the cause of break up could be the same factor that is troubling your marriage. It is therefore important to have an inner evaluation on this issue which I suggest be handled with the sensitivity it deserves.

Questions like; the cause of break up and whether they were sorted should be very critical while sorting out this issue.  This means that you need deep knowing (which is different from impulsive desire) and consider more fully who your “true self” is.

Most important, you’ll need to take time to figure out your path forward. There is an indication that the issue here is not about which woman you should choose but more about what is behind this feeling of emptiness in your life. 

Note that nobody: not your wife, a new partner, or your child, can fill that hole for you, even if it seems like your co-worker is doing so at the moment.

The deeper you dig for the truest version of yourself; which includes a rigorous assessment of your own part in what is not working, the more you will be able to assess how you feel about your co-worker.

Only then will you be able to make a decision not out of guilt or confusion or quiet desperation, but out of a grounded place of knowing.  You may consider visiting a counselor who will help in this process.