Are you safe from rape?

Rape is every woman's worst nightmare as it is a violation against her very core. When many people think of rape, they imagine a stranger in a dark shadowy place attacking a helpless woman.

Far from it, most victims are attacked by people well known to them, and sometimes, in the safest of havens. Fridah Mlemwa speaks to courageous women who share their harrowing stories.

Uncle who turned into a beast

“I don’t remember the exact year but it was in the 90s and I was barely five years old. Although I was really young, there are certain horrible things that I remember,” says Aisha*.

Aisha lived in Kariobangi, Nairobi, with her family where she was raped repeatedly by a relative. “While my parents were away working, my two siblings and I were left under the care of my paternal uncle, who had just cleared Form Four.

“I hated sleeping during the day and would run away to avoid being forcefully put to bed by my uncle. He would get so angry and beat me up until I would crawl into bed to sleep,” says Aisha.

She would pretend to sleep to appease her uncle. After about 15 minutes, her uncle would creep into her room and lock it from inside.

“At times, I would peep and see him unzipping his pants, which really scared me. I would tightly close my eyes hoping he believes I’m asleep but would feel him having his way with me,” says Aisha.

She adds that he did this repeatedly and threatened to beat her if she said anything.

TRUST

To avoid him, she started skipping lunch and avoiding being at home from midday to avoid her nap time. “I was so scared I never told my siblings about being defiled, and I don’t know if they ever knew."

Aisha never visited her paternal home until her uncle passed away in 2009. His bestiality cost her a relationship with her cousins (her uncle’s children), whom she avoids. She has also lost trust in men. She hopes to get over the past and one day build a relationship with a man and her uncle’s children.

Betrayed in the convent

Jane ran away from home to live in a convent at the age of 21. She believed it was a safe haven away from her grandfather’s farmhand, who had been molesting her sexually.

“In 2006, I was living in a convent under the care of a woman I trusted. I had run away from home after a major fight with my parents.

She vividly remembers the events of that fateful night. “It was 4am, on August 12, 2006, when I woke up to a man standing next to my bed. He was a visiting pastor who was staying at the convent. He covered my mouth, pushed me back on the bed and was done in a minute.”

Jane recalls the feeling of helplessness, confusion, numbness and disgust as she lay in bed afterwards. During that horrible incident, she conceived.

The lady taking care of her was away and came back after two days. Left with no one to trust except her, she tried to explain to her what had happened but was coldly brushed aside.

No one believed me and one of them even suggested that I should abort, but I refused and was thrown out of the convent.

She went back home and fortunately, her family believed her, and even took her for counselling.

“My dad wanted to press charges against this pastor, but I was too hurt to take any step, and anyway, no one seemed to believe my story. It is 12 years since the incident happened. I have told my story in bits to those who need to listen, but today I am telling it to you so I can free myself and also encourage others to speak out as the first step towards healing.”

Gang raped at a party

“I had actually survived two rape attempts: once as a young girl I was almost raped by our shamba boy and later by a manager of a tented camp where I was on internship. I literally fought with my abusers and I was lucky the first two times to get away. Sadly, I wasn’t so lucky the third time,” says Mary*, who is in her 20s.

The girl who comes from a humble background, and whose fee at Moi University was usually staggered and paid late, could not afford accommodation in the university hostels and had to seek cheap alternatives outside the university, and often slept hungry.

One night, Mary decided to accompany her friends to a friend’s birthday party, a decision that she has lived to regret.

“That was when it happened. I was gang raped in a room; I have no recollection how I got there. I still remember fighting and struggling with about three or more men. And there is a face that I remember to date, that still haunts me, especially when I see a face that resembles it,” she recollects.

“I must have passed out because when I woke up I was alone, bleeding and in pain.

EVIDENCE

However, Mary made the mistake of cleaning up before seeking help, therefore, wiping off all evidence that could have come in handy in identifying her perpetrators.

She sought help at a pharmacist who advised her, and she was put on post exposure HIV drugs.

Fortunately, she did not contract HIV but the incident left her ashamed, bitter and angry with the world.

In an attempt to heal, she joined a youth centre near the university that was helping victims of rape where she got the opportunity to share her story.

“I literally broke down talking about what had happened for the first time, but I slowly healed with time.” She now volunteers in projects focusing on GBV and sexual reproduction health.

Cases of sexual assault at a local university

“As the chairlady of the Women Students Welfare Association in my campus, I have had the opportunity to interact with a lot of the female students who have opened up to me. So many of them have been sexually assaulted but choose to remain silent,” reveals Caeserine Mulobi, a student leader at the University of Nairobi.

She says she has encountered 15 cases of sexual assault that have gone unreported at the university and three that have been officially reported and are under investigation.

“They choose to keep quiet because instead of being helped they are victimised,” she says.