Advice from experienced mums

Having your first child comes with its fair share of excitement, anxiety… and naiveté. Before you buy those ‘must-have’ expensive infant gadgets or spend your last pregnancy weeks camped out at the doctor’s in a fit of anxiety, listen to what experienced mothers have to say about what you can really expect.

They come when they’re ready

Jane Muchiri, a 35-year-old mum of two boys aged six and three, was told that the due date for her first child was February 14. “I ended up giving birth on the 28th,” she says.

“The two-week wait was stressful. I kept thinking something was wrong.

My doctor told me to relax, that if labour didn’t come in the next week, he would advise on whether to induce. Labour started exactly two weeks after my due date.” 

For her second baby, Jane was comfortable with the fact that the due date is an approximation. “This time around, I propped up my feet and enjoyed the last moments of my pregnancy.”

• The truth is…

Only one in 20 babies are born on their expected due date. The EDD is calculated at 40 weeks after your last period, but the baby can be expected anywhere between 38 and 42 weeks. If you’ve had a normal pregnancy and are under regular prenatal care, you have nothing to worry about.

You also don’t need to worry about birth defects and complications unless your doctor says so. Don’t worry about labour, women have survived it for centuries.

They’ll get by with basics

Martin’s fiancée is due in three months. They have been on an intense and expensive shopping spree, getting ready for their first baby.

Angela, a 41-year-old mother of three age 15, 12 and seven, laughs at Martin: “New parents don’t understand how fast babies grow; those newborn clothes will not fit in six months.”

If she had been any wiser at her first pregnancy, she would have bought one-year-old sized clothes, which is what she did with her other two, “Seriously, do you think infants care whether they are wearing Baby Gap or not?”

• The truth is…

The baby-equipment industry is marketed towards inexperienced mothers; there is so much that a baby can get by without. To determine what you need, ask yourself: ‘If I don’t get this thing, will my baby suffer?’ All a baby needs is healthy food, safe shelter, comfortable clothing and your loving attention. You don’t need expensive toys or fancy equipment.

Babies are resilient

“My first baby, Lynn, had me planting sanitiser in every corner of the house,” says Chichi, 38 and a mother of two girls. “Everyone who touched her had to sanitise their hands. I caged Lynn in this protective bubble where no harm could befall her.

With my secondborn,  Karen, I wasn’t such a Nazi about it.”

“Karen loved lying on her tummy and licking the floor, and it never quite bothered me. Karen had more fun! If toddlers got sick from all the things they touch and eat, I don’t think they’d be any toddlers left in the world. That taught me not to obsess about sanitation.”

• The truth is…

Exposure to naturally occurring microbes is beneficial in the development of the immune system. While this doesn’t meant that you should let your child literally eat dirt, it means that whatever germs they encounter are actually helping, not harming.

Also don’t worry too much about cries, fevers, falls or minor injuries; with experience, you will learn to trust your gut and differentiate between when the situation requires a feed, a nap, a cuddle, a spoonful of paracetamol or a quick trip to hospital.

You’ll wing it

“My husband and I bought seven pregnancy and birth books,” says 27-year-old Anita, mother of a seven-month-old girl. “But I found that much of the info was not applicable to me. I also went for birthing classes; all I’ll say is that when it came to it, all those easy-labour techniques I’d learnt flew out the window!”

• The truth is…

Regardless of all the information you have, sometimes the only thing that will help you is your mothering instincts.