No, intimacy doesn’t have to decline as you age

Everything’s so great at the beginning of a relationship, that years later it’s only natural to wonder whether things have declined. In fact, many couples expect intimacy to fall away, and believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. But that’s simply not true.

Because long-term couples can experience just as much enjoyment in bed as newly-weds. Especially those who’ve always actively talked to each other about everything in their lives. So, if your intimate lives could use some improvement, start by thinking through how well you talk about sex. Especially because not tackling bedroom problems can lead to difficulties elsewhere in your relationship.

Many couples refuse to even try. Some say it’s just too embarrassing. Others that they never have time to talk, what with career pressures, childrearing, socialising and so on. But what that really means is that they should give intimacy a higher priority, and re-learn the skills, they need to talk about everything again.

Others say that being playful and romantic feels silly and inappropriate now they’re older. But we shouldn’t let things like that go. So set aside time to talk together every night, share your fantasies, and spend a little more time looking into each other’s eyes.

Many couples believe that a man’s libido is always naturally stronger than a woman’s, all through his life. But it isn’t, and that just piles extra pressure on men. Some men always have a low level of desire. Many women’s sex drive is stronger than their husbands in midlife. And it’s true that his arousal generally becomes slower over time. But there’s an upside to that. Young women endlessly complain that he’s always far too fast for them. So older couples are often more in sync than they were earlier.

Many couples expect sex to fall off a cliff at menopause. But for most it’s a liberation. It’s true that there can be problems while the hormonal changes are actually happening. But even if sex becomes difficult for a while, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be just as good again afterwards.

Affairs often bring intimacy to an end. In fact, many result in break-ups. And the breach of trust can be difficult to overcome. But something stronger, deeper and more honest can come out of an affair if both of you are willing to work at what led to the affair in the first place.

Many worry that an ageing body doesn’t look sexy. But we don’t only enjoy each other’s bodies by sight alone. The smell of clean skin is always a wonderful turn on. You both know exactly how you like to be touched from all those years of experience. And in a long-term relationship, you’ve long since left behind the insecurities of youth.

And if an aging body is so unsexy, how come so many 50 and 60-somethings are forming new relationships after divorce and enjoying the best sex of their lives?