In one of his writings, Samuel Clemens, also known as Mark Twain, quips that truth is stranger than fiction. This quote came to mind while listening to Raphael Munene. “I paid child support for one year.” Raphael chuckled, then continued, “Oh, I had also been caring for the woman for the entire pregnancy.” He kept laughing at himself as he recalled the saga.
He met Sarah Mumbi, and they had a steamy romantic relationship. But men's and women's relationships have layers and layers of mystery and complexities that make the gods laugh as we play Fools Rush In. Eventually, Raphael and Sarah found themselves at an impasse. He quietly took a step or five back. However, Sarah was not done with him yet, even though she adamantly refused to meet him for a more amicable breakup.
“She texted me three weeks later. She was pregnant.” Raphael says he was both excited and nervous. Sarah, however, completely refused to meet him. “She said the baby growing in her did not like me, maybe things would change once her body settled in the pregnancy.”
Now, gentlemen, something you must know about pregnant women is that we like loads of attention, pampering, cuddling, and attention from the man whose baby we are growing. Raphael, we even like your scent, whether fresh or sweaty. Raphael did not smell a rat, or a rotten fish, in this matter.
“She updated me on all her clinics and the pregnancy.” But she refused his offers to accompany her to the clinics, even though he faithfully footed all the bills. “She sent me the images of the ultrasound, revealing a baby boy. Sarah had cravings, so I sent her money to take care of that.” He did not want her to dislike his son.
A few weeks before the due date, Sarah informed him that it would be a Caesarian birth due to medical concerns. It was expensive, but Raphael shaped up and took care of the bill. “She informed me when the baby was born but refused to reveal the hospital.” Raphael was getting desperate to see his child. “She blocked me, then unblocked me after some months,” Sarah informed him that she was diagnosed with postpartum depression and could not entertain him, or any man for that matter. He faithfully sent child support monies and any other expenses that cropped up related to the baby.
“Why? Didn’t you doubt if that was your child?”
I should have mentioned something earlier on in this story. Raphael was married. He was a prayerful husband who hoped the gods would help him so that his wife would not find out about his adulterous liaison with Sarah. “But I also wanted to do right by my child. He was innocent, after all.” One year later, the gods came through for him. By sheer coincidence, he saw a status update by a contact on his mobile phone. In the photo was a group of ladies at a wedding. Sarah was at the front. “I called my contact and casually asked about the wedding,” Raphael said, laughing once again.
His contact told him that the photo was a throwback, taken a year back. She had posted it that day as it was the first anniversary of her brother’s wedding. She gave him the date of the wedding. “That photo was taken two days before Sarah’s scheduled caesarian surgery.” She would have been heavily pregnant, but in the photo, she looked as slim as Raphael remembered her. He decided to take the bull by the horns. “I left no stone unturned.” He laughed, describing the intensive investigation, leading to hunting her down for answers.
She told him the truth. “She had never been pregnant. Just broke, and she figured I could finance her before she got a job,”
“What about the baby images?” I asked him.
“Oh, her friend was the one pregnant. The idea to con me came about when I ended the relationship, and by coincidence, she learned about her friend’s pregnancy.”
When I was done laughing at him, he said, “To think I was planning to pay for a paternity test.” Married people? Leave the singles alone. They will make mince out of you.
