What to do about my rude, unfaithful wife?
I am 42 and my wife is 38. We’ve been married for 12 years and have three sons.
I lost my job sometime back, but I have been struggling to feed and educate our children. My wife had a salon but had to close it down when she could no longer afford the rent for the premises. Her sister got her a contract job with a local firm but she soon quit.
Then, three years ago, I went to Sudan to work. I send her money but while I’m away, she brings men to our house and sleeps with them in our bed and the older kids know what is going on. She also drinks, sleeps out and insults me a lot. What should I do?
K.K.
*******
You’re wasting your time
It’s a waste of time living with such a woman. Divorce her as soon as you can. It’s shameful that even your own children know she has been sleeping with other men.
Tony Santana
******
You deserve better
You certainly deserve better than a woman who is fooling around with other men. In this era of HIV/Aids, you cannot take chances. Send her back to her home, then start solving the problem. As for the kids, be a good father to them. Don’t vent your frustrations on them. Good luck!
D.B. Mayaka
******
You have abandoned your wife
It was sad reading about your experience, but there are things you should know.
First, money alone does not bring happiness. You need to know that your wife needs a companion, somebody to talk to. Three years is a long time to be away. Have you been taking time off to visit her? Whom do you think she shares her frustrations, anger, joy and happiness with?
What about her conjugal rights? Think clearly about the purpose of marriage and you will realise that you have deserted her!
I suggest that you make frequent visits home to be with her. Alternatively, look for a job in Kenya. Remember, your family is very important and as a father and husband, you need to be seen and your presence felt.
However, your wife’s behaviour is detestable. Talk to her and try to find out why she is doing this to you. You might find that it is because you are not around and she longs for someone to be close to. If she doesn’t change, leave her; she might infect you with HIV.
Caleb Nyangari
******
Get a private investigator
You are in big trouble because your wife has already joined the club of shameless, cheating wives and she is not going to change. Don’t think she started it when you went to work in Sudan; she was doing it even when you were here, only that you didn’t know.
You must look for a way to protect your kids. Look for a private investigator who will gather evidence to guarantee you a divorce and custody of the kids. No judge will deny you a divorcepr custody of your kids as long as you prove that your wife is an unfaithful drunk.
My advice is, please don’t sleep with her when you come back because doing so would be akin to committing suicide. She is likely to be infected with HIV by now.
You must act fast, but first make sure that the information you have is accurate. Remember, people can intentionally misinform you. The worst thing you can do is destroy your family, only to find out later that you had been misled.
Get to the bottom of the issue. You can even come back secretly and start monitoring her.
James Kioko Nzau
******
Get on with your life
At 42, it’s not too late to find happiness again. She was not meant for you, so why can’t you, face reality and look for another woman? If you don’t get ulcers now, you’ll definitely get Aids. However, as long as you are alive, don’t let your children suffer.
Provide for them because they know it’s not your fault that their mother is behaving badly. Move on if you want to live long.
R. Kinuthia
******
She’ll never change
It’s high time you realised that many women love money and nothing else. You were doing fine when you had a job, but when you lost it, she sought what you were providing elsewhere. Since she has tried another man, she probably won’ stop because she has tasted something new and sweet.
Take comfort in your new job, but more importantly, in your children. Your wife’s behaviour is inexcusable, even if she were a widow.
Evans
*****
Your wife doesn’t respect you
This is the epitome of defiance. She has clearly shown that she no longer respects you or your matrimonial bed. She deserves no lenience whatsoever. Divorce her before she infects you with HIV It is better to live alone than with such a traitor.
Carol Tali
*****
Kick her out
You are sitting on a time bomb! Divorce her immediately before she infects you with HIV and take the kids away from her because she is a bad influence and has no respect for them. Let her continue seeing those men she enjoys being with when you are away. God will give you a good woman who respects you and will take care of your children!
Swabra Abdillahi
******
Take charge of your family
It seems as if your wife started being unfaithful and misbehaving after nine years of marriage, just after you started working in Sudan. This clearly shows the root cause of the problem: your prolonged absence.
It might be because you have been in Sudan for the last three years without meeting her needs, or the problem could be elsewhere, but note that this might not be inherent in her character since she was behaving well before you went to work in Sudan.
Her drinking and sleeping out is a sign that there’s problem that needs an urgent solution. Try to establish the cause of the problem before making any decision. Ask yourself whether you are satisfying your wife despite the distance between you. If you establish the truth and find that she’s not ready to change, leave her immediately.
Namisi M. Solo
******
Leave with your kids
I feel sorry for you because your children have neither a mother nor a role model. Please take your kids away because they will see things that will ruin them morally and socially. I wish you could find a job in Kenya to be around your family so that she can stop her stupid behaviour. You risk contracting HIV and leaving your children, thanks to their mother’s recklessness.
Emma
*****
You’d better style up
You need to get your priorities right, otherwise you’ll lose everything, Providing for your wife’s financial needs is good, but satisfying her conjugal needs is even better. Yes, you are working and send her money back but what about her other needs?
Your wife will drink and share with other men what is rightfully yours because you are not there when she needs you. You’d better style up! The only remedy is to take your wife with you or frequently fly back home and attend to those needs.
Gerald N. Wambua
*****
Your wife could be sick
Why waste your time with a woman who will only hinder your progress? She could be sick, going by what you said. The best thing to do is divorce her and agree on how to bring up the children.
Mageto
*****
Your wife is lazy
You must be a good husband, given that you’ve been so patient. Your wife isn’t ready to work for herself. This is clear from the fact that she quit after getting a job . To add insult to injury, she entertains men in your house when your kids are around. It’s high time you accepted reality and divorced her.
Abdullahi Kadogoo
*****
There’s more to marriage than money
I’m sorry about what’s happening to you. When you were around, she never used to behave the way she is doing now. I believe it was because you would meet with her sexual needs, which didn't accompany you to Sudan! Can you — and all my fellow men — try to understand that women also have sexual needs, which money and other material things can’t address.
If you care for these needs, is it too expensive to have her join you in Sudan? You’ll only save your marriage and your family by remaining close to your wife and being responsive to all her needs: financial, sexual, emotional, etc.
Mwendia
*****
The writing is on the wall
Any cheating spouse is not worth living with. The writing is on the wall. Please leave her and get on with your life.
Jacque
******
Talk to her
No self-respecting woman brings men to her house. I do not recommend divorce, but your case is exceptional. If you still have the grace to hold your marriage, sit her down when she is in a good mood and ask her calmly why she is misbehaving, then seek counselling from people you both trust and respect.
If that doesn’t work, show her the door because sustaining a marriage is the responsibility of both partners.
P.O. Ouma
*****
Your wife is a liability
I believe you know your wife better than anybody else. The genesis of your marital problems is best known to the two of you. The way your wife is behaving is a sign of pent-up anger that is only coming out now.
A woman in her right senses would not do what she is doing unless she is getting her own back for something that happened earlier. Analyse the situation objectively and, if possible, let her leave your house because she is an embarrassment to you and your children. Besides, she is a liability since she is not helping you financially.
Everlyne Mwangi
******
Get a separation
My brother, in this era of HIV/Aids, you have to be careful. If it were not for the children, I would have advised you to divorce her. So I still suggest that you seek a separation to save yourself from turmoil and stress your irresponsible wife is putting you through.
Weldon Rono
*****
Run to save your life
Your wife has clearly made her choice. What’s yours? Do you respect yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away? For the sake of your children, save your life. Only God knows what disease(s) she might infect you with.
N. Mbilo
