Getting on with life after Mike

She dreads the press. Yet since she got married a year ago, the press has not left her alone. She is Yvonne Nambia Wamalwa. 

As I am led to a waiting room in her extensive house that shelters Touch Africa Michael Wamalwa foundation, I marvel at the ambience of its interior. Pictures of Yvonne with the late Michael Wamalwa and their daughter, Michelle, nicknamed Chichi, line the walls. 

"Welcome," a soft voice interrupts my thoughts as I admire a portrait of Wamalwa. And it is unmistakably Yvonne. She now cuts the image of a serious business executive in her brown, elegant trouser suit, a marked departure from the miniskirts that she once favoured, and which sparked great public debate.

 "I threw away all my mini-skirts because I did not like the negative debate," a composed Yvonne tells me later, as if she been anticipating the question all along. 

Fairy tale

 On May 10 last year, Yvonne Nambia tied the knot with then vice-president Michael Wamalwa in what was widely referred to by the media as "a fairy tale wedding" or alternatively "wedding of the year". But barely three months later, tragedy struck, and she was widowed. Now, after a year, Yvonne, 35, is not only learning to get to grips with the loss of "Mike", as she refers to him, but also with what she terms the cruel world of widowhood – a world in which the local culture is hostile and unsupportive of widows, with laws that helps legitimise the culture.

 "No one chooses to be a widow, yet once you are one you are down-trodden. Since Mike died, I have talked to more than 200 widows from various districts and discovered that, although the magnitude of the problems differ, the discrimination runs across the board. I plan to advocate for widows' rights in Touch Africa," she asserts. 

" I can say that I am mourning Mike now. Since his sudden departure, I have been fighting endless battles. I was not personally prepared for the immense pressure that comes with widowhood and certain people wanted to take advantage of that," Yvonne says of the tribulations she has undergone. 

Just what has she been through? 

What immediately comes to her mind is the controversial Sh34 million "dream house" in Karen, Nairobi, whose balance of Sh24 million the government has promised to settle for her, and the recent press reports that she was about to be thrown out of her Runda home for non-payment of rent. Many have argued that she is not the only widow in the country, and that spending such a sum of money on one person is extravagant. She has been criticised for wanting to continue living a high lifestyle, with many suggesting that she learn to live within her means. 

"It hurts me so much when people view my plight negatively. I did not choose for Mike to die and the fact the government offered to settle the bill was a pleasant surprise. I did not ask for it. I am so grateful for this gesture. That is why I plan to do everything to give back to society through Touch Africa. It is a promise that I am making to all Kenyans. This will not be one of those briefcase NGO's," she vows. 

Yvonne says Wamalwa wished to buy the house because it brought back memories of his childhood, adding that he had made a down-payment of Sh22 million of the required 43.5 million. "The balance has increased due to accumulated interest. If I fail to settle the remainder, I will lose the down-payment," she explains, near tears. The government also pays school fees for Wamalwa's children and has already acquired 10 acres at Wamalwa's Kitale home for the construction of a mausoleum.

But what hurt her most were the allegations that she was about to be thrown out onto the streets and the mentality in people's mind that she is a millionaire. 

"Someone once told me that I must be very happy now since I now have millions of shillings after Mike's death.

"I was very hurt and I told them to please take the alleged millions and bring back my husband. Sadly, this is the misconception among many people. I am just a struggler who has gone through hell like anybody else," she says, adding that people chide her for maintaining such posh offices. "Mike had already paid a year's rent in advance for these," she explains. 

Then there were the rifts between her and her husband's Baengele clan even before he was buried. "According to them, culture had to be followed to the letter," she explains. "The period after the burial was the worst time of my life. Like people on a revenge mission, the clan and some relatives insisted that I had to go through some humiliating and degrading traditions. They insisted that I had to go to the river to get cleansed, that I not bathe for three days, that I shave my head and give them Mike's clothes. 

"As a Christian, I found all this strange and flatly refused. Almost immediately, they started issuing threats, telling me that I would die in a week and that my children would die in a month. Nowadays, these close relatives cannot face me. We just pass each other on the streets. It was all very troubling, but the fact that my children and I are still alive made a mockery of these traditions."

Interestingly, Wamalwa recognised aspects of the culture that she is so opposed to. Before their elaborate wedding, the former vice-president is reported to have strictly followed the fastidious traditions of both the Bukhayo and Bukusu. After making several visits to Yvonne's family, Wamalwa paid a bride price of 20 cows. In this regard, Yvonne does concede that it is Wamalwa's adherence to culture that helped protect her after his death since she was now recognised by the Bukusu as his wife. 

"I agree Mike was a cultural man. He married me the traditional Bukusu way. But unknown to me, this meant that I could not divorce him. In a way, this has helped me since it means that the clan cannot get rid of me. But at that time I was oblivious to its implications since I was never consulted. I just assumed it was a romantic gesture. Mike used to tell me that we should preserve positive cultural practices and discard the retrogressive ones. I do not think he would have supported what happened to me after the burial since it was so degrading. "

Closely tied to the traditions were the various women and children who emerged after Wamalwa's death, many claiming their right to inheritance. Grace Nabucha, the mother of his 18-year-old son, William Wamalwa (Snr), and Hellen Nandako, mother of his seven-year-old son, William Junior, openly laid claim to Wamalwa's estate.

Was Yvonne aware of their existence before her husband's death and was she willing to take them in?

"I knew all Mike's children, and any others who came up were the clan's fabrication. The children even later came and apologised. What people do not know is that I had known Mike since 1990, and had lived with him since 1993. When I moved in with him, I knew that he had had other relationships and I personally asked him to bring all his children so that we could live together as a family. He did and since then, I have been living with William (Snr), William (Jnr), my son, Derek, and daughter Chichi. In addition, I got acquainted with his son, Jabali, and daughter Alice. 

"As for his alleged wives, Mike never introduced them to me and they never came visiting when he was alive. They, in turn, have not bothered me. William Junior's mother came to see me one day and asked me to take good care of her son. I assured her that I treat him like my own. Besides, the children have mobile phones to communicate with their mothers, whom I do not prohibit them from visiting," says Yvonne, adding that she grown even closer to the two boys after their father's death. 

That Wamalwa did not leave a will only made matters worse for her. Immediately after the burial, more than 50 people presented their claims to a traditional court sitting at Wamalwa's Milimani home in Kitale. According to Yvonne, there were plans to split the family, in the hope that the guardians would get a share of the upkeep money. But their plans have since been thwarted by a court order granting her limited rights to administer her husband's estate after she filed a petition through the family lawyer, Mr John Khaminwa. Wamalwa's dependants were named as herself, the two Williams, Derek Mboya, Michelle, and Wamalwa's mother, Esther Nekesa.

"Thank God we organised a big wedding. Had I been unknown, the clan and relatives would have taken everything," says Yvonne, explaining why she got a lot of public support.

The hurdles notwithstanding, Yvonne is ready to face the future. She is throwing all her weight into making Touch Africa a leading charity home. In fact, the launch of the organisation had been scheduled for May 10, to coincide with her wedding anniversary, but was rescheduled because some board members could not make it. 

"I am stronger than I have ever been. The charity work has proved to be both therapeutic and satisfying," she says of the organisation she and Wamalwa started three years ago. "Mike used to tell me that am a tiger and can achieve anything that I put my mind to. I want to prove him right."

Without donors, however, her joy of serving people might be short-lived. The fact that the organisation is running only on what Wamalwa left for it is worrying her. 

"The money is almost gone. I am not sure what will happen after that but I will continue appealing to donors for assistance."

However, there is nothing more therapeutic for her than being with Wamalwa at his final resting place. She travels to their Kitale home every weekend because "it is quite peaceful and I feel closest to him there". 

And to be closer to him, she has even developed a liking for farming. "I used to hate the very smell of ammonia, but today you should see me clad in my jeans, tending the maize. If Mike saw me, he would be so proud," she says of the man she says gave her complete love, dedication and security. 

Her sister, Jackie Nangani, who works with her as a fund-raiser and programme coordinator, describes her as a replica of Mike. "She has been very strong so far. Her priorities and thinking are more focused and she uses Mike as an example for everything she does. She has even become very spiritual," Jackie asserts. 

So, does she eventually wish to wind up in politics like Mike? "At the moment, no. I have so many things to do. But you never know about tomorrow."

What about re-marriage? A definite "No! I cannot even think of it. Besides, who would have the audacity of proposing to a woman whose every sentence begins with 'Mike this, Mike that...'." 

She also has to worry about Chichi, who doesn't seem to have grasped the meaning of death. "She is always asking when Daddy will come back. I tell her that he went to heaven, and we have to go and see him ourselves. She then asks, 'Why then can't we go now?' Yvonne says of the three-year-old who has given her the will to live.

But her greatest fear is what will happen to her and the children when the money Wamalwa left runs out. "Mike was a very generous man and he shared whatever he had with relatives and friends so he did not leave us much. He was the breadwinner and the issue of what will happen when the money he left us runs out haunts me daily."

Yvonne is grateful to her lawyer, Khaminwa, and Wamalwa's political friends for helping get her where she is. "They have been very supportive," she says, her eyes straying to the portrait on the wall.