Your opinion of others is your biggest undoing
Expectations are useful when they help us prepare for the unfamiliar.
Whenever we meet someone new, our behaviour towards them is strongly influenced by what we think we already know about them long before we’ve had a chance to find out what they’re really like. That affects the way they respond towards us, and straightaway we’ve a self-fulfilling prophesy!
So for example, if you’ve been warned that a girl you’re about to meet is stuck-up, you’ll probably be distant towards her. But that just means she’s also likely to be distant towards you in return. So your expectations of her character seem true. Even though she might actually be charming. If only you’d given her a chance!
Interesting ideas
Or imagine you’re starting a new job. On your first day, you can be sure you’ll be given the run-down on every manager. She has really interesting ideas, his department is super tough to work in, while in hers you can get away with murder. So what happens. Well, just about what you expect really.
You see exactly the same thing with students’ approach to different subjects. Before classes have even begun, they’ve been warned that the physics class is run by a teacher who can’t keep control, so they behave like a bunch of tearaways. But they’re also told that maths is taught by someone who’s really tough.
So the same students are well behaved, attentive and hard working. And, surprise, surprise, they find the maths class far more interesting than physics. And go on to tell the next intake of students that the maths master explains things very well, even if he is very strict. And so the cycle continues.
All this happens the other way round as well. Teachers often label some students as ‘high achievers’ and others as ‘poor performers’ on the flimsiest of evidence. Because of the area they come from, for example, or their accents, clothing or behaviour. And once labelled, the teachers give the ‘high achievers’ lots of attention, praise and support. So they do well. ‘Low ability’ students, on the other hand, are likely to get less than their fair share of everything. And so they fail to perform.
Parents do the same. Girls are labelled ‘industrious’ and ‘well behaved,’ so that’s how they turn out. Boys of course, will be boys. Unruly, boisterous, noisy, bad at schoolwork, unwilling to help with the housework, and so, not surprisingly, that’s exactly how they are.
Expectations are useful when they help us prepare for the unfamiliar. Like it’s handy to have a pretty good idea what will happen in a restaurant that you’ve never visited before. But expectations can let you down when it comes to meeting someone new.
Just because ‘everyone’ says so and so is stuck-up, that may not be right. So remember that the way people respond to us is closely linked to the way we treat them. And that is driven by our expectations. Which may not be true. So keep an open mind.
