Most of the differences between men and women are glaringly obvious, but what’s not so easy to see is that they also have very different values. And those values are very deep-seated, so they’re also very hard to change!
Men’s values generally centre around power, competence and achievement, and they tend to think of themselves in terms of their social status and work. While women’s values generally revolve around love, communication and emotions, and they tend to think of themselves in terms of their relationships.
This is why women usually want to open up and explore relationship issues, especially their emotional aspects, while men prefer to home in on a solution as quickly as possible, and tend to offer practical advice.
Men attach great importance to their job and when they’re unwinding together, they usually talk about concrete topics such as cars or football. Their conversations also always have a competitive edge to them, as they continually jostle to improve their status amongst other men.
While women relax together, they’re far more likely to talk about how they feel about workmates or friends, and their conversations are usually empathetic rather than competitive.
This is why it often feels like men are so driven by their work and want to be with their mates more than their wives. And why it seems like wives want to talk about their relationships far more than their husbands!
Men and women also react differently to stress. A man will become quiet and withdrawn when he has a problem and wants to think about it and find solutions on his own. While a woman’s much more likely to want to talk about an issue that’s stressing her, and especially how it’s affecting her emotionally.
So when times are tough a wife wants to talk, while her husband wants to think. Worse still, when his wife does talk to him about their problems, he’ll feel she’s blaming him for them. Because that’s what men do. Whenever men talk about problems, someone always gets blamed, as they compete for status, and very few men realise that women don’t do that!
Their motivation in a committed relationship is also different. Men are inspired by feeling needed while women want to feel cherished. So a husband who feels needed grows in confidence, listens better and stops offering instant solutions. While women are especially vulnerable to the unconscious thought that they don’t deserve to be loved, so her joy is to feel that he loves her, cares for her and respects her.
All of this means that women everywhere complain that their boyfriends and husbands are insensitive and uncaring, don’t talk nearly enough, and prefer sex to making love. And they’re right! So if you’re one of those women, just remember that the man in your life only acts that way because his values are different from yours. And perhaps that will make his behaviour a little easier to handle!