The most lavish wedding ever at Mwisho wa Lami

Like in many other spheres, Mwisho wa Lami has been lucky as it has witnessed more weddings than its neighbours — about four in the last 15 years.

Of all the weddings, mine will go down in history as the grandest, most lavish, biggest and the most talked about this side of the Equator.

As promised, Dre never disappoints. Although there were some hiccups, God turned every challenge into an opportunity.

Having returned home in the wee hours of the morning, I was woken up by the wailing of the chicken that my brother was slaughtering just behind my house.

It was 8a.m. Outside was a bee-hive of activity.

Rasto splitting firewood, Anindo setting up a fireplace outside, Mwisho wa Lami Primary School students bringing in desks from the school, Rumona ironing her husband’s clothes.… With so many people around our home, I could not bathe outside my house like I always do so I walked to the river for a quick bathe, then returned.

I was back in time to find my tailor loitering around.

COLOURFUL SUIT

“I did not have enough pink material so I mixed pink with green,” he explained showing me the suit. He had mixed it such that if the left leg was green, the right leg was pink.

I didn’t like it at first but everyone who saw it liked it. Once I added my yellow Kick Polio out of Kenya T-shirt, new bright red socks, orange Reebok shoes and special occasion glasses, Pius said he had yet to see a more smartly dressed groom, not even in Nairobi.

“I hope we will see you on wedding show,” he said without clarifying.

Soon Kwame arrived. The green suit he had borrowed from me looked a little tight on him. By 9.30a.m, Nyayo had not arrived.

He was found at Hitler’s. He quickly dressed but it turned out that the shoes he had borrowed from me did not fit him. Luckily, Ford was around and he lent him his prison boots.

By then, all my aunties, sisters and cousins had started walking to Fiolina’s home, a village away. We entered Pius’s car and followed them shortly after.

It was the first time that Nyayo entered a personal car, and he kept pressing buttons in the car.

We arrived in Kumba, Fiolina’s village, half an hour later and waited at a church about a kilometre away, as the path to the home was too small for a big car like Pius’ Mercedes Platz.

We waited in the car but after some time, we were told that Fiolina’s aunts and mine could not agree.

Senje Albina came asking for money and I gave her Sh270. This cleared the way and a few minutes later, I heard loud song as they left the home.

They came walking briskly, with the laugh of my life not allowed to step on the ground: there were three lessos that my aunts kept putting on the ground interchangeably for her to step on.

She was looking resplendent in the purple dress and white veil over her head made from mosquito net. Her hair was stylish; it clearly had been “burnt” that morning.

She entered the car and Nyayo had to leave to create space for her.

Pius started driving slowly as the women followed briskly, singing and dancing beside the car. Banana stems had been planted alongside the road all the way from Kumba village to our home.

As we snaked through the paths, we attracted more people who followed us. We arrived at our home an hour later.

Our home was packed with people when we arrived. All the desks that had been brought from the school were occupied and Juma was looking for more pupils to send to school to bring more desks. Chairs were also being collected from the neighbours.

EXPERT MATCHING

Fiolina and I were led out of the car slowly. We were looking amazing, with my combination of green and pink suit, yellow T-shirt and red socks and her mixture of purple dress, white net, blue shoes and the green banana leaves she was carrying making a great match—making this the most colourful wedding ever witnessed.

Although we had not practised, we marched expertly to the high table.

Apostle Prophet Elkana, the Spiritual Superintendent of The Holiest of All Ghosts Tabernacle Assembly (THOAG), had not arrived.

When Mrs Atika called him, he said he could only preside over the wedding inside a church.

Fiolina had, however, wanted a green garden wedding, which was why we preferred to do it under the green banana leaves tent.

But an M-Pesa transaction later, Apostle Elkana arrived and took us through the wedding vows. We then exchanged the expensive, pure aluminium rings.

As soon as we were done, an Isukuti troupe arrived and everyone rose to sing and dance. It was a surprise treat from my brother Ford, for he knew how much I loved Isukuti.

Here, Fiolina and I unleashed our best Isukuti dance styles, as everyone watched in awe.

After the dance, we returned to our high table to find food had been served. There was ugali, sukuma, rice, beef, chicken and, chapati, among others.

I did not touch ugali and sukuma. It’s only our parents, my colleagues at school and Apostle Elkana who also had chicken and beef on their tables. The rest of the crowd was given amahenjera (a mixture of boiled maize and beans) with strong tea, which was in plenty in huge sufurias.

We had cooked enough food but since many of the women arrived with their families, and because they also carried amahenjera in their lesos, I am sure some people missed food.

“Dre, your new woman headmaster brought some juice,” my Sister Caro whispered to me. “Can we bring some for you?” She brought a whole jug for me and I have never been happier.

Time for speeches came. My father told the people of Kumba Village how lucky they were that their daughter had been accepted by the most handsome, the brightest and the most accomplished academic in Mwisho wa Lami and its environs.

Her people also kept bragging about the same, although you could see, from the crowds’ expression that they believed it was Fiolina who was lucky.

GIFT OF UNBORN CALF

Next on the programme was time to exchange gifts. My parents pledged an unborn calf. “Apala, my cow, is pregnant and Andrea and his wife should come for the calf after eight months.”

Fiolina’s parents gave us a cockerel while Senje Albina gave us a banana. Pius gave us a stool while Ford gave us a plate.

Since our staffroom had nothing to present to us as a group, Madam Mary gave Fiolina a leso, while Kwame gave us an envelope that had Sh70. It was the only cash gift we received. Bensouda, our new headmistress, gave us glasses and a success card.

As soon as the gifts were done, it was time for the cake. Yunia had cut the scones we had bought the previous day into small pieces. She had left one which Fiolina and I shared and the rest were shared among the crowd.

Only a few people ate, however, as some boys ran away with the basin that had most of the cakes.

The Isukuti was called again for another round of song and dance, bringing the wedding to an end.

Fiolina and I then made history: we were the first couple in Mwisho wa Lami and its environs to go for a horny-moon. At around 7.30p.m, Pius drove us to Kasuku Hotel. Since Kasuku had no rooms, we stayed there until 9.30p.m when we decided to get a room in Cosmos Bar for the night.

Although the food they served us in the room was boring, I was lucky that Fiolina had carried enough juice and groundnuts that lasted until Monday night when Pius came to pick us up.

Mwisho wa Lami may have other weddings in future, but I am sure none of them will ever be as big as ours.