Sharing chores with your spouse

Dual income couples don’t only have more money to spend, they’re also much more stable than traditional marriages.

Providing they can solve the problem of dividing up the household chores between them!

That’s the catch, of course. Because all over the world, wives spend a lot more time on housework than their husbands – even when they’re both working and the men say they’d like to help.

Why’s that? After all, bachelors do their own stuff. How come they stop when they marry?

And don’t imagine it’s just a local issue, because the same thing happens right across the world.

Even where equality between men and women has made real strides.

But sharing responsibilities is quite possible – and can even be fun! It just needs to follow some new rules.

Couples who succeed don’t fall into the trap of trying to maximise their income, agreeing instead to balance work against their time together.

In practice this means reducing working time to at least “normal” hours, especially for him.

Or choosing some other way to make working hours more flexible, like self employment or a portfolio of activities.

Successful dual income couples are also flexible about their roles in the relationship.

Neither argues that their career’s more important, or insists on controlling any other aspect of their lives – like bringing up the children.

They act as a team in everything: running the home, raising the children and earning the money.

But that can be surprisingly difficult for women, who traditionally want to set the standards for housekeeping and child care.

And have a hard time accepting that that’s what creates most of the inequalities in their marriage.

Because psychologists who study how couples care for their families constantly emphasise how much husbands are put off by their wives insisting on controlling standards in the home.

Like when he washes up, she re-stacks the plates her way. Or must have her choice of groceries.

Not a good way to motivate him! Instead encourage your husband to take part in child rearing and housework by complimenting his work and not criticising.

High expectations

Mind you, not finding fault can be hard at first. For example letting your guy put the children to bed his own way instead of yours – and in his own time.

Wives can be very critical and have high expectations. Let them go. Don’t assume you’re a better parent than your husband – and develop confidence in his abilities and capacity to learn new skills.

Don’t expect either for him to agree with your priorities, or to notice things you think need doing. Instead ask – and bargain. Like a lie-in for a lunch out with your friends.

Because there are real upsides to succeeding. Like the children will become much closer to you both.

You’ll be surprised how much more fun you’re both having. And how he becomes better than you at some things!

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