My wife is a nag; I’m forced to escape to alcohol

Q: I have been married to my wife for 10 years. Her main problem is nagging. She makes sure that I have no peace in the house. She has been making me to drink because any time she brings up her nagging issues, I just move out of the house to a nearby pub and I drink just to forget my problems. I am fearing I might become an addict. She does not allow me to talk, and when I try she shouts at me. I feel frustrated.   She remembers every bad thing that I have done. What do I do? Will these problems ever end?

A: The problems in your marriage will never be solved through avoidance. You drink as a way of escaping from reality and wishing that the hurdles will go away. The reality is even after you drink, you can only forget for some hours but the issues will still be there glaring at you. Alcohol has never solved any marriage drift and it is unfortunate that you are still justifying your behaviour and blaming it squarely on your wife. Does your wife force you to drink? Hasn’t this been your choice? That aside, there are issues in your marriage that would need to be solved through honest communication.  You have not been having any fruitful communication. The best way to understand your wife’s point of view is to listen to what she is saying. Take some time to work on bettering your communication. However hard it may seem you need to show that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and making gestures such as nodding. During the conversation, you also need to discuss the behaviour of your wife and find a way out.  In this way, you will find common ground. In your letter, you mention that your wife does not give you time to talk.  During this talk clarify your feelings. Afterward, you must reassure yourself that even if your wife does not see your point of view, you still count and that your feelings matter. This will help you stand your ground lest she continues using her nagging as a defense mechanism to bring you down. While nagging might be a serious problem for you, remember, there are lots of things you love about your wife, too.  Reconnect with her by appreciating them and by being affectionate. You may also consider visiting a counselor.   Wishing you all the best.