My wife doesn’t want to live in our ‘ushago’, should I dump her?

Hello. I started dating this woman in 2019 and recently married her. We’re blessed with a one-year-old child. The challenge is that my wife doesn’t like my parents and finds it uncomfortable when I pay fees for my siblings. She even feels bad when I go home. I have a house there but she doesn't want to stay in ushago. In fact, she insists we should buy land and set up a home elsewhere, which I am not ready to do since I have a house at home. She doesn’t want me to go out with friends and when I do, she reacts badly. She is against any kind of development I do at home and wants me to channel all my resources towards her. I take good care of her and my child, they don't lack anything. Sometimes I feel like dumping her for someone else who will agree to live in my rural home and develop there together, and even hang out with friends once in a while. Advise me before I make decisions that will haunt me again. Kindly keep this anonymous.

READER’S ADVICE

One can discern a sense of frustration in your narration. But you are probably lucky that your wife has exposed her persona so soon in the relationship. This is a tough call, but if you hope to live to be a happy old man and have peace of mind, a solid extended family, a good circle of friends and personal growth then have a serious discussion with your wife about the upkeep of your child and then release her out of your life. Such women never relent.

Drive Counseling Centre - Kitengela

While it's normal to be protective and feel jealous, she could also be feeling insecure staying at home away from you. It all depends on why you want her to stay with your parents in the early stages of your marriage when you should be bonding. It's not a bad idea to develop yourself by purchasing land and settling elsewhere. To me, she wants you to have what you can call yours. About helping your siblings, while it’s a noble task, don't leave her out of it, discuss it with her. Face the reality that your parents may also not like her. You also seem to value hanging out with your friends. My take is: You are the one to stand with your wife against all other forces as you chose her among many. Remember, a man shall leave his parents and become one with his wife.    

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri 

I think you should just accept the situation and move on. 

Delvin Parkolwa

And you're still living with such a person? You must be energetic! Did you say she doesn't like your parents? She doesn't support any kind effort you're applying in developing your future? You do not have a wife. Look for one. 

Stephen Kyalo

EXPERT’S TAKE

I will begin by stating the obvious. Before marrying your wife, you most likely observed her character trait but still went ahead to marry. I can only speculate, however, if that is the truth then you are partly to blame for your predicament. In life one thing you need above all is peace of mind followed by a partnership that thrives in a solid friendship. You seem not to have either from your marriage. There are too many critical social imbalances between you and your wife. She does not like your parents, she does not recognise the home you invested in, she disagrees with you assisting your siblings and she wants to control your social life. In my opinion, I do not see bliss in your future. She will break you and dent your soul if you decide to prolong this toxic bond. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

kindly hide my identity. I’m a 36-year-old male and have been married since December 2019. One month after marriage I suffered erectile dysfunction and I have not recovered to date. I have visited one hospital after another all in vain. Recently, I went to KNH Doctor’s Plaza and found the best urologist. He recommended some tablets but after taking them for a month still, nothing has changed. I feel stressed, my wife has since moved to another room since I can't do anything in bed. Even if she is naked in front of me, I can’t erect, morning erections disappeared completely.  Kindly post this so that I can get assisted by fellow Kenyans on what to do. At first, I thought that my testosterone levels were low but after getting tested all was well.  I don't have a baby since 2019 because I can't have sex with my wife. Kindly help me with what to do.

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