I want to marry both of my baby mamas, but one is against it

I was dating two women since 2014 and I impregnated both of them in 2017 and 2018, and now I have a 4-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son. The two ladies know each other. I was not ready to get married then but now I am ready. The problem is I’m confused about whom to marry between the two. We get along very well with both of them as I play my part in supporting my two children financially. The two ladies are both working and financially stable. I floated the idea of marrying both of them but only one was comfortable with it. Now I don't know what to do as I don't want to let either of the women go as I love them and I want to marry them both. kindly advice. Keep my identity anonymous.

READER’S ADVICE

Had you been ready in 2014 when you had both women, what would you have done differently? See, you may not want to let her but is she ready to let you go? If the answer is, yes, then you can’t marry both of them. If she isn't ready to quit, but doesn't buy the idea either, then you've to think of plan C. Plan A (both willingly accepting) is already in the trash bin. 

Polygamy is not for everybody. The good news is that from the very few available statistics, most financially stable and independent women with children get married on their own terms so your luggage is light. You might consider adding a third woman who subscribes to your idea. Then you have two women who will be married to you and a third who isn't, but you still love dearly. Or in the worst-case scenario, suspend marriage altogether and continue dating until you'll more ready. 

Lett Gabiontah, Kisii

Sit down, internalise and identify whom to settle with. Then share with both of them the decision you'll have made. Do not deny fatherly responsibilities to the unlucky woman's child. Marrying the two will result in imbalances thus stirring conflict between the two. Remember it's impossible to kill two birds at the same time. 

Wilberforce Kuvai, Poet and Writer

You have a perfect problem. I suspect that your elevated sense of worth is leading you to make that rash decision on polygamy. Savor the moments, take time and the situation will untangle itself.

Drive Today

I would like to congratulate you for successfully supporting your children. Most men don't do what you are doing. One of your baby mamas is not comfortable with a polygamous marriage and it’s impossible to force her into one. You have to let her go. 

Mercy Muthoni

Here is my simple solution to your problem. First, you are in denial - You think you love both women but in actual sense, you are hiding. I believe you have deep-rooted stemming from childhood traumas or from previous rejections which led you to seek out the affection and attention of two women. Secondly, you are way over your head. The lady who doesn't want marriage perhaps was interested but seeing as both women know each other, she later changed her mind and focused on your child. Not you but your child. Let that sink in. If you are not careful you may also lose the other woman, because she will get tired and leave. You need to heal, love, and choose yourself before deciding on the issue of marriage. 

Whatever you decide, it’s all on you as no one can make the tough decision for you. 

Njeri Njehu

Every reasonable human being knows that actions have consequences and what you are experiencing is the latter. It is commendable you are responsible and taking care of your two children plus their mothers. If you feel you are ready and comfortable to have these two women as your wives, then that would be better than trying to establish another relationship. Have a candid talk with the girlfriend who is reluctant to marry them both. All you need is to assure her of your commitment and full responsibility and if she sees sense through your actions then I don't think she will be hard on you. 

Juma Felix

I advise you to leave both women and find another beautiful one to take care of your two children.

Shem Ayuka

I find this quite simple. Between the two women marry the second one. This is because if you really loved the first one you would not go for the second one. You were just horny when going for the first one.

Mike Kipkorir

Choices have consequences and decisions will always have either negative or positive results. Be extra careful when making this decision. Did you weigh the implications of marrying the two women? If you have to settle for both, then make sure you convince both. Am not advocating for polygamy but may your conscience guide you. Listen to your inner self before you do anything.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

Marry both. First, settle them in different houses as you keep checking on them on alternative days. Convince the one who is against it that she can share you no matter how beautiful or financially stable by giving examples of beautiful celebs like Regina Daniels, Mary Kilobi, Karen Nyamu, and Wamuchomba who are in polygamous marriages.  Allow the women to be best friends.

Samwel Godfrey

EXPERT’S TAKE

The good thing about your current situation is that you are very clear with your intentions. You are also in a unique position where both women know each other and understand that you wish to cater to both. Having some level of harmony in your relationship dynamic is important. For the one who is not too sure about the arrangement, you probably need to hear more on why and assure her on the child security. With the legal facts laid out for both to absorb and digest I believe any doubts and uncertainties will be addressed to ease minds. Despite them knowing each other it is natural for each to want to protect their future interests. Step up to the plate and show them that there is nothing to worry about. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I had a boyfriend whom we dated for three years but along the way, he cheated on me. The woman got pregnant and he was forced to marry her by her parents. My boyfriend was apologetic about it and claimed it was a mistake but we still broke up. It has been two years since we broke up but he still calls me every now and then to check up on me. I have tried being in other relationships but none of them work since I still love the guy. He also claims he loves me and that he is not happy in his marriage. He has all the qualities I want in a man and that is why I find it difficult to let go. I don't know what to do since he also insists he loves me and he would want me to be his second wife but am afraid of judgment from other people of me being a second wife. MJ

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