I found out she is married, but she wants to get pregnant by me

Please hide my Id. I have been seeing a girl for the last three years ago and I recently found out that she is married (Church wedding). I have tried to terminate the relationship but she still comes over to my place. We even go out clubbing together and she goes home the following day. She told me she wants me to make her pregnant and I'm not willing to do it. What should I do? 

READER’S ADVICE

The best thing you can do for yourself is to run away as fast as your legs can carry you. Somebody's wife is poisonous. You should not even think about making her pregnant. Why does she want you to do so yet she has a husband? Are you a sperm donor? If you love your life, look for your own wife.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

It's very unfortunate that you've learnt about her marital status quite late but you're not to blame because she was dishonest.  After three years, it might be difficult for either of you to jilt the relationship but despite this, it's possible to stop the affair and be firm in your principles. 

Do not make the mistake of making her pregnant because the existence of a baby will tie you together forever.  Leave her as soon as possible. 

Maxwel Odeka, Ngeri village

It's clear that the girl is having a troubled marriage and has found you to be a safe shoulder to lean on. She could be having problems getting pregnant with her husband and wants to use you for the purpose. Your conscience is warning you that what you are doing is wrong. Be bold and frank with her and end the relationship. She is simply misusing you and wasting your time.

John Wambugu 

Dating someone who's already in a legally recognised marriage reunion is like playing with fire. It’s important for you to realise your feelings are fleeting. The girl does not love you. You are a third party in an already established union. Set boundaries and remember you could be her revenge affair. Choices have consequences.

Betty Maina 

The smart thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation. You are placing yourself in a dangerous position. This cannot end well. Walk away while you still have a chance and go find someone who is single and available. If she is doing this to her husband what stops her from doing the same thing to you? If you think you're going to succeed where her husband failed, you are in for a rude reality. Be careful. 

Fred Jausenge- Dubai- UAE

You are a perfect fit for the saying, “A man led by the genitals has no conscience.” You willingly and knowingly know that what you are doing is wrong, yet you continue to enjoy the experience, blame the other party and seek advice for a no-brainer. Grow up.

Drive Counseling Centre- Kitengela

If a woman wants a man, only instant flight can save him. Think of your safety as you can't use another person’s vessel for long. Usually, it's the bee that goes to the flower and not vice versa. Take off and look for a trustworthy mate. Who knows what else she could be hiding from you?

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri 

Yours is a one-sided relationship and this married woman knows your weaknesses. She is the only one who knows how beneficial the relationship is to her and letting you go means creating a gap in her life. But since you know she is married, consider ending it before it lands you in trouble. If it was your wife having an affair with another man would you be comfortable with that arrangement? So guard your sobriety by leaving this married woman. You do not want to be the reason behind another man's failed marriage. 

Juma Felix

EXPERT’S TAKE

I want to point out the obvious. You have been dating a married woman for three years so nothing has changed other than you knowing she is married. Leaving her will not add any value to your life. Unless you are unhappy with her you should maintain your relationship. You might leave her and meet a woman you can call your own and she ends up being your worst nightmare. Ask her why she wants to have your baby. Is it her validation of being somehow commitment to you? This should not be a reason to have a child. Do not allow some moral sense to get in the way of a dynamic that has worked for three years. What matters is how you make each other feel. 

Relationship Counsellor, Maurice Matheka

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

Hello guys, I have been in marriage for three years now and we have one child. But since the baby was born we have had issues of trust between me and my wife and she started insulting me when I asked her about the ex-boyfriends. I decided to revenge by dating another woman but when my wife learnt about it she packed and stole money from the house that was meant for the completion of our house. I followed her to her brother’s home and we reconciled. She went back to school, and I always provide but she doesn't want to come home or for me to go to where she lives. She fights me when I go to where she lives but I don't fight back because I respect women a lot and I never enjoyed that motherly love so I always feel like she is a mother to me. She has used my love for her to her advantage and she always fights. I don't know what to do. Kindly advise.

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