How getting a child at 22 and my dad’s death shaped my career
Jennifer Kiarie at Nation Centre in Nairobi on April 01, 2024.
What you need to know:
- I got pregnant when I was 22 and in my third year of study.
- My dad died a few months after I sat my KCSE examinations.
There is not a single thing Jennifer Kiarie would change about her life.
Not that it has been all rosy. It has been a life full of unplanned events, all feeding into her life trajectory and purpose.
As we sit down for an intimate conversation, Jennifer, a devoted wife, and mother of three, invites us into the depths of her past — a troubled childhood that ultimately laid the foundation for her journey as a therapist (counselling psychologist), and a life and relationships coach.
What are your fondest memories from your childhood?
Growing up in a rural setting in Ruburi Village, Gatundu South Constituency in Kiambu County, I had a very normal but memorable childhood.
But my fondest memories remain when my dad used to ensure we watched all the university graduation ceremonies on TV.
You know in the village, people hardly watched TV during the day, but he ensured that the graduation days were exceptional.
I bet this was his way of inspiring us to study hard and one day graduate. Unfortunately, he did not live long enough to see me graduate.
What kind of child/sibling were you?
I am the second of six siblings and I believe that I was a good sibling and a non-problematic child.
My dad was a teacher at the school where I did my primary education and he at some point taught me English and Kiswahili. So naturally, I did not want to disappoint him in school and at home.
Did you study psychology as your first course in university?
Far from it. I did a Bachelor's degree in Biochemistry and Zoology at Egerton University, Njoro. My campus phase was not without challenges that I had not anticipated.
I got pregnant when I was 22 and in my third year of study. Thankfully, I did not defer any semester as I had two strong support systems - my mother and my husband, then boyfriend.
I met my husband when he was in his final year while I was in my first year. When I got pregnant, he was already working as a teacher in Murang’a County and was so supportive and ready to step up in case my mother failed to pay my fees due to the pregnancy.
Thanks to these two individuals, I did not defer any course and I successfully graduated in 2011.
Your dad did not live to see you make him proud…
Unfortunately no. We lost him a few months after I sat for my Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) in a very tragic fashion. My father was struggling with alcoholism and had been in that state for a very long time. For about 10 years to be precise.
In 2005, he was rehabilitated and significantly improved, but never really quit the bottle.
In 2006, on one fateful Sunday during a rainy season, as he was coming home from one of his drinking sprees, he drowned in a river that he had to cross to get home and that is how we lost him.
Fortunately, his body was recovered two days later.
His life and death later inspired your career trajectory...
Like I mentioned, my dad struggled with alcoholism for a very long time. As is common in many homes with alcoholic parents, there was violence involved.
I grew up in an environment where arguments between my parents often escalated to physical and emotional abuse. Fast forward to my post-university era.
At this point, my husband had resigned a temporary teaching job he had secured and was doing online academic writing, a trade he also introduced me to.
This was a very lucrative venture, as the pay was good. I engaged in this full-time from 2011 through to 2017 when I started experiencing divine discontent.
Divine discontent. What is that?
In a nutshell, as much as I was making some very good money, I started feeling some level of dissatisfaction. I wanted more than just money.
At the same time, my dad’s death and lifestyle started haunting me. I started watching videos on drug abuse on YouTube and doing research on the same.
The more I watched these videos, the more I started understanding that my dad was most likely dealing with mental struggles that pushed him to alcoholism.
I also learnt that all along I had been harbouring some childhood trauma from the environment I grew up in and that I needed to heal. I had to reconnect with my inner child and do some massive healing.
The more I went deeper into this research, the more I wanted to share my findings with a larger demographic.
Alongside the online writing, I started writing to some high school principals with the request to talk to students about life choices and drug abuse. I got some positive feedback and some negative ones.
All this with no certification?
Yes, I was purely self-taught, and I remember there was a time I almost shot myself in the foot. I wrote to the National Authority for the Campaign Against Alcohol and Drug Abuse (Nacada) requesting materials to boost my high school inspirational talks and they wrote back to me informing me that whatever I was doing was illegal as I wasn’t even certified.
At this point, my thirst for better understanding was also growing and I came across some free online courses on mental health with drug abuse as just a part of the bigger mental illness picture.
That was it?
No, it was just the beginning. In 2021, I met psychologists from Chiromo Hospital who had come to our church to speak about mental well-being.
During a break, I approached two of them and briefed them on what I do and told them that I was interested in getting proper certification and licensing in therapy and life coaching.
They pointed me to Amref International University where I enrolled for an Advanced Diploma in Mental Health Practice, which covers counseling psychology and more.
I finally graduated in July of 2023. This remains my greatest achievement yet!
Going back to school while balancing a career and a young family was not easy, but I was so determined to make it, and when I finally made it and with a distinction, I was super proud of my achievements.
What are some of the challenges you have encountered so far?
Well, now that I do counselling and life and relationship coaching full-time, financially, the trade is not very rewarding. I officially stopped online academic writing in April 2022.
I currently run a Facebook Page, Heal and Thrive with Jeniffer Kiarie where, though my primary aim is to share content that will enable people to heal from trauma, nurture healthy relationships, and live a purposeful life, it also means that most of my clients are social media based.
Following up with some clients to pay for services offered can be quite draining. Unfortunately, most people assume therapy and coaching is just about talking and so it’s not worth paying for.
But this is a very misleading conception. Further, I am constantly faced with the challenge of winning more male clients.
Depression knows no gender, but you find that men will hardly ever speak up. Women form the bulk of my clients but I feel the need to reach more and more men.
How do you unwind and detox after listening to the experiences of hundreds of people?
Interestingly, I never really do anything in particular to detox or destress. I think I know what I do is my life’s purpose, and as such, I do it with so much ease.
However, I occasionally take a few days’ breaks from my social media engagements and cut down on my clients, so I can relax, listen to gospel music, attend to my family, and other low-pressure activities, all of which I can say help me deal with any fatigue.
I know I have only done this professionally for a short period, but I am convinced that this is my calling.
Any role models and mentors?
My mother and my husband, Waweru Mwangi, have remained solid constants in my life - always supporting and hand-holding me through and through.
In the life-coaching terrain, I look up to Benjamin Zulu who I met in early 2023, and who has been a huge source of inspiration and mentorship to me.
What’s your favourite thing to do when not coaching?
I love to make chapatis and pilau for my family. I also love listening and dancing to uplifting gospel music.
Self-reflection is also a thing I do quite often. It has made me realise that everything that has happened in my life was all woven to help me realise and achieve my purpose.
